Partner exboyfriend

Dream About Ex-Boyfriend – It is a little unnerving to wake up from a dream about your ex- boyfriend. Maybe the circumstances that surrounded your breakup were not pleasant. No breakup is ever pleasant anyway so to dream about someone who is no longer your boyfriend is not something that makes you wake up with a smile unless of course, the dream was a happy one. Anderson Cooper is getting used to be a dad, and he's going to have some help.. The CNN anchor shared during an interview with Stephen Colbert on Monday that he plans to co-parent his newborn son, Wyatt, with his ex-boyfriend Benjamin Maisani. Cooper said that the still feels connected to Maisani, a France-born nightclub owner, even though the two broke up in 2018 after three years of dating. The way you talk to your ex boyfriend after the week long no contact rule is going to have to change. One thing that we have already established is the fact that your ex boyfriend is using you emotionally to feel better about himself. He does this by manipulating you into making him feel wanted through things like compliments, feelings, etc. To dream of an ex-partner is quite a common dream. We all have different relationships with life and old partners lovers hold an extremely emotional bond towards us, therefore, to dream of an ex-partner is a rather common dream. Whether this partner was an ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, ex-husband, ex-wife or even just an ex-lover it can be quite a traumatic dream as we moved on from the ... Evaluate the past of your partner's ex. If your partner's ex has engaged in this behavior before, looking at what happened on those previous occasions can give you some insight into how seriously you should take it. For example, if your partner's ex has prior assault charges or similar brushes with the law stemming from similar harassment circumstances, you may want to go to the police sooner ... Meet Riley Roberts, the all-but-silent partner to the Democrats’ congressional darling. Roberts set the political rumor mill buzzing twice in the last two weeks. The term 'partner' has a solid ring to it. It indicates that you are with someone who wants to share his or her life with you. On the other hand, a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' is someone you ... By the time I was even thinking about dating after divorce, I had as little contact with my ex-husband as possible. I had absolutely no desire to think about him at all, much less share anything personal, like introducing him to a new boyfriend! (By the way, the word “boyfriend” was hard for me to say at 57 when I actually started dating after the divorce. Your partner and his or her ex should be willing to take a break from each other while you two concentrate on what you have together. It doesn’t have to be a permanent break, but it is the ...

Is it possible to stay friends?

2020.09.06 08:35 sci_veg Is it possible to stay friends?

I (29F) broke things off with my (40M) partner of 2.5 years a couple weeks ago. I thought we were doing awesome at the friendship thing. Then I spent two tearful hours on the phone tonight because he wants to know if I will marry him and my comphet and my need to please others is in overdrive. I mean I said no but it's just so rough to hear that. Like I crave being able to say yes. I just feel broken and lost and his friendship was really holding me together.
Basically he admits he's going to always be trying to get me back. I asked what would happen if I started dating. He said it would be hard to be friends. I'm just feeling lost and lonely and in need of support.
Anyone want to tell me how it went keeping up contact with your exboyfriend or ex-husbands?
Literally if I could be sure that I wouldnt be deleriously happy with a woman (like he seems to feel with me) I'd just play the role I've been playing forever because he's my best friend.
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2020.09.01 22:19 IL1v3 Am I wrong for getting upset about this?

I noticed it really upsets me when I ask someone close to me a question and they omit it and don't answer because they believe they can't give me the answer I want to hear.
My exboyfriend did this a lot because he didn't want to deal with me. That's the explanation he gave me straight to my face after I told him that it hurt me. Intact he would first not answer then I'd ask again then he would lie which I would notice and then he would finally tell the truth. Everytime I ended up hurt in multiple ways.
I recently noticed my current partner does the same thing. A couple of days I asked him if I was being annoying. He ignored the question. I asked him if he could please answer my question and then he admitted that in fact I was being a little bit annoying. I told him how it hurts my feelings more if he tries to not answer questions like this. At the moment he is sick and I was with him the last week or so. He's already feeling a lot better so I was able to go home to my place, spend some alone time and take carenof myself. Right now he told me he's feeling a lot worse and not eating and I'm worried again. I asked if he wanted me to come over or not. He replied to other messages of mine but not this one. So I asked again and he told me today he'd rather not want me to come over as it is already pretty late.
I'm now feeling hurt again but mostly I'm worried for him. Is this a normal thing to do in conversations? Am I overreacting to be hurt? Do I deserve to have my questions answered even if they can't give me the answer I might want to hear? I'm so confused...
Edit: I just remembered usually if I ask a question I think might be difficult to answer I add 'you are allowed to say no'. I always wondered if that's a good idea because on the one hand I want him to know he is allowed to say no but on the other hand I don't want him to think he's only allowed to if I specify. And I have told him those thoughts exactly as I am writing them down here.
But the last few weeks have been very draining for me and I did not say it anymore. I guess I should remind him he can always say no even if I don't specify and I should try to remember to say it as that doesn't cost me as much emotional energy.
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2020.08.24 21:48 throwduckyaway AITA for not letting my son's fathers side of the family see him after being gone for almost 8 years?

Okay to preface this, this is a throw away account to make this post but honestly I'm pretty much fed up on the entire situation and wondering if I'm indeed the a-hole here.
Background to all is I have an 8 year old son to my exboyfriend. My son was not planned at all, more of an oops drunken accident and due to beliefs I decided to carry on with the pregnancy with everyone being on side. Throughout my pregnancy he was pretty much by my side hyping up how ready he was to be a dad and how he was willing to provide for us both even though at the time I was living with my parents and not really willing to move in with him.
Skip a head to my son being born and one month later exactly he decides to skip town on us leaving no forwarding address or way to contact him and his family pretty much ghosts me as well. They have never to this day celebrated an achievement with my son nor been in contact or bought anything my son actually needs.
I should also point out my son is aware who his dad is but has never shown any interests in meeting him even if before this point I could make it possible. I've raised him pretty much alone until I got into my current relationship and we have an almost 1 year old daughter together and he does seem happy in this arrangement.
With the pandemic something must have switched in my ex's mind as he finally got in contact by sending me a couple of emails which was followed up by his mom doing the same only she was asking "how her boy was after all this time" and "does he miss his dad". At first I didn't reply to either parties as I wasn't sure how to react but when I finally got my head around how to reply I suggested to both parties if they wanted to have any sort of contact with son we should go through the court with them seeing him supervised in a contact center whilst he tries to get to know them. To me this is the best way of re-introducing them without my son feeling scared.
This was apparently the wrong reply as since most members of his family have been contacting us none-stop calling me evil for not letting his dad's side of the family at the drop of a hat and my partner feels we should try a reunion outside of a contact center.
So I guess AITA here for wanting to set up a controlled reunion if they still want to see him?
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2020.08.20 22:02 oppsuh I (35/f) ended my 9 years relationship in the most hurtful way and got married with someone else in 2 years.

This is not the conventional “my partner left me and i can’t get over him or her” kinda post. This time the story is from the person who left’s pov. I know after you read this post, you will hate me and call me names maybe but i will pour my heart out here for everyone to see no matter what. So here’s my story.
I met the love of my life in 2008. It wasn’t love at first sight, there was no magical elements, i just fell for him and he had been suffering from a recent break up. I found it out much later. We were seeing each other but he was always very mean to me. It was like i was there for him like a bandage on his fresh wounds. He was distant, cold and heartless at times but then there were the moments when i could see his pure heart. I held onto those moments and tried to continue with him. In our 4th month, he confessed he still had feelings for his ex and ended our relationship. It was a terrible heartbreak for me but i moved on and a month later, he came back to me telling me how he realised i was the one for him, that he would love me forever. He managed to gain me back. Actually, i should have ended us then, but i was so heartbroken that i needed him to stop it.
During the first year of our relationship, i tried to convince myself that he actually loves me. I would find his love letters to his ex in his place and small things that he had kept, then i would freak out. He always said he forgot to throw them out and what not, i knew he couln’t get rid of them. Again what i should have done was to leave but i couldn’t. I loved him very much. It was like an obssession. We had fights all the time, some of which got physical as well. Again i forgave him.( this is where i get really angry with myself).
After the third year, i stopped fighting for us. I ran out of things on the way and i decided to break up with him. He would go drinking heavily every night, do stupid things and take no responsibility. He is a foreigner in my country and his time was like he was on a vacation all the time. So we broke up, but he didn’t accept it. We were separate for 6 months and he never stopped messaging me one single day. After a while, i gave up and welcomed him in again. It was 2012. A horrible year. Although he said he never dated anyone when we were apart ( i didn’t expect him to do that though), and called me a whore in front of my friends because i dated a guy for 2 days, i found out that he had been in a relationship with a poor woman and he was trying to break up with her while we got back together. Again, i should have ended everything then but i was emotionally weak.
In 2013 we decided to live together to see if it would work. First year it was okay, but the second year his jealous and controlling character kicked in. He was so manipulative. I realised he was abusing me emotionally. He said nobody would ever love as much as he did, nobody would put up with me, things like that. But then, there were the times when he helped me out with my health problems, times when he supported me both emotionally and financially. I felt i owed him. However, i couldn’t get over the idea that i deserved a better relationship than that, i had breakup conversations with him in my head and i couldn’t stop the voices telling me that he was not the one for me. He knew how i felt and he was so scared to ask as he knew what i would say. I was the one who is distant and cold this time. So we kept pretending to have a normal life.
Then, in 2016 i was sent to work in a distant city by the government kind of mandatory service. He didn’t come with me, so i traveled back and forth. During this time i realised i was a better person without him, much happier, more optimistic, i felt alive. Thats when i made a big mistake. I met someone who was all into me and even though i thought nobody would be interested in me, that wasn’t true at all. I started seeing this man and he fell in love with me. I wanted to talked to my boyfriend( ex) about all going on but i didn’t know how i could without hurting him terribly. So i kept delaying the talk. Meanwhile, i was feeling terrible all the time and didn’t know what to do and how to tell him that I had been unfaithful to him.
Then one night i wrote him an email explaining everything. I didn’t give him a chance to say anything, i blocked him everywhere. The only way he could talk to me would be travel to where i was but he didn’t do it. I said i would pick my stuff up in summer and i didnt communicate with him for 8 months. What i did was terrible. I am still terribly in pain when i look back. He was devastated. He said he lost his trust in humankind and had nothing left to live for. I was-am in pain for the pain i caused. By the way, i stopped seeing that man afterwards. It wasn’t a big thing.
Then the summer came and i picked up my stuff. It was a difficult time. We didn’t see each other at all but when i walked into the house we lived together, i burst into tears but at the same time i felt relieved that finally it was over. That summer i went on a holiday with my sister and her husband. An old friend of theirs, who i also knew, joined us. We had a great time together and after the holiday, we kept seeing each other. It was like everyhing we went through was paving the way for each other. We built a strong relationship and a year later he proposed me and we got married 2 months ago. However, i can’t manage to forgive myself for the things i made my exboyfriend go through. I can’t enjoy life knowing he is out there still suffering. I got an email from him. He found out i got married and he is tremendously hurt. My heart aches constantly i thought time would heal everyhing but realise that it only makes it worse. Don’t know how to help him get over everything and how to forgive myself.
TL;DR I am trying to move on but the past mistakes are making my life miserable.
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2020.06.17 01:10 outsideguy75 Sometimes you just have to cope.

That’s just how it is sometimes if you live the DB life but everything else is ok. Being married for years sort of levels all aspects of life out. You don’t have the great high points of travel and nightlife and fun you had in the beginning but you don’t have the lows of financial insecurity, exboyfriends/girlfriends being around and hectic life of early careers either. Some call it a rut but it’s more of a flattening and equalization of life. It’s actually a good place to be. Safe and secure. If you’re there and you don’t want to throw that away for sex, it’s ok. Sex lasts a few minutes, feels good for a few minutes, then you’re back to whatever it was you were doing before. If it’s not worth it to you to wreck your life to get that few minutes, that’s perfectly acceptable. If you’re tired of the swing where your partner wants it, then doesn’t and then does and then doesn’t again, you can stop the pendulum just like quoting smoking. You go cold turkey. You find something else, a hobby, work, the bar, something to occupy your time and in a year or two your libido will vanish. Concentrate on being asexual like your SO. No porn, no sexy TV shows or movies with sec scenes, not even bikini pics. When you see someone out in public that turns you on or something on TV or movie, you mentally admonish and shame you’re self. Soon it’ll just go away. You’ll psychologically neuter yourself. I’ve quit smoking and sex this way and it works very well. There’s a huge feeling freedom from breaking away from that base urge. I’ve accomplished things at work that I’d never have dreamed of before because I no longer think about sex, no longer feel like the high point of my day is banging the wife. Real success and calm awaits when you break the chains of your libido. I’ve learned to be thankful I ended up in a dead headroom. It’s made me very wealthy.
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2020.06.12 18:58 Whoisnormal My ex (M23) and I (F26) still have feelings for each other but he isn't interested in me anymore

TL;DR - I still want to be with my ex and even though we both feel deeply for each other, my insecurities became too much for him and he doesn't think that will change so he doesn't want to try again, though I am trying so hard but he won't give me a chance to show him.
Hey Redditors. This is my real first post so I hope I do it right. So smidgen of a backstory: My now exboyfriend, let's call him Hedgewick, and I have broken up five different times (and almost many a times) after dating for just about a year and nine months. All the times were his choice with the exception of one which we were mutual on, and neither of us wanted to.
So within the first three months we broke up twice because he did not accept my past with the amount of sexual partners I had, most of which I wasn't actually dating. Five were from our work place two years prior. We work in the same place, and he had to see them and understandly, it was uncomfortable for him to say the least.
Time moved past and we fought often, at least once a week. Not real little arguments either. The third time we broke up was because I told him my actual number of partners and he was appalled. Thinking about it after too, I still don't appreciate I let myself do that in my past. Anyway, all of these times didn't last but four days, max. Because it is in the past and we wanted to be together.
The next two times, were because of my insecurities. I sometimes, too often, took my insecurities out on him without realizing it. The first of these times, the break up lasted about a month, but in the month I started talking to someone else (in workplace too, feelings quickly developed) within two weeks after he ended it with me. That hurt him, but I didn't know because I thought he was over me. I gave him multiple chances to tell me how he felt. In the next week or so, I chose him over the other guy, because I love Hedgewick. I hated seeing him in so much pain, too.
It's been 15 days now (I know, doesn't seem long but feels very long to me) since we broke up this time. My insecurity was that he sent me a reddit link of women being able to be topless in other states. He said, "too bad Virginia isn't one of them yet" along with, "Wouldn't complain if I did [see other boobs]," when I asked if he wanted "them goods." Then my dumbass asked him if I wasn't enough for him and I kept telling him he wasn't joking after he said he was joking. I only said he's not because it's true.
I have very small breasts with some markings, so the thought of him wanting to look at women upset me and I got insecure real quick, even though he told me often how much he liked my body. We had a huge fight over it. I know I was a real idiot, because if I had bigger boobs and was more confident, I wouldn't care who he glanced upon. They're just boobs. I wrote him a two page letter telling him how I felt. Hedgewick is really my best friend. After he read it, I tried telling him that I could change myself. He just kept saying he isn't interested. Mostly to be in a relationship with me. We broke up that night and I cried for three hours straight, including my entire drive home, about 15 minutes.
I still tell him I love him. And I try talking to him too often, so I feel like I am suffocating him but at the same time, I want to give him space but am afraid he will become more astray from me. At times we talk just fine, even like good friends again, but then the next day, or even a couple hours later), it's like we're strangers. He says he still cares and feels for me. I don't know if he still loves me now. But he said recently if we were alone together he thinks something would happen. He still thinks I'm pretty and wouldn't be able to control himself, he says. So he isn't interested in a relationship with me, just interested in having sex while still feeling for me? I want to show him so badly I am changing. I truthfully have been more positive with my attitude. And I love this guy so damn much y'all. I don't want to jump straight back into a relationship, but I want him to give me a chance. But I can't even try. He says he does not want a relationship. He's had his limits. I understand, we've been through a lot. But at the same time, it's almost as if he is trying to make himself not have these feelings for me so he can move on for good. When we are not fighting, we're great together. I hate fighting. I only want love. He may be afraid of trying again, letting himself get hurt maybe? I know he doesn't want to deal with the fights too though; neither do I. I just need a chance to prove it to him that I love him more than my insecurities. I love myself more than they're worth going through. I need him to let himself feel what he does for me. Just having him in my life, when we do talk, makes me so happy. I want him to be happy, too. I don't know what to do; no part of me is ready to let him go. I try to be positive, but my depression gets to me sometimes. I did not intend for my post to be this long... advice would be great if you made it this far.
Update: Had sex, were good for a few days like actually talking, then I said something stupid and now we're more distant now.
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2020.05.30 14:12 MBrandon26 Struggling with the options

First time poster and apologies for the long post.
I am a cis female in her 30s. My husband (cis male in his 30s) recently after a few drinks brought up the idea that I should if I wanted to sleep with other men. I grew up much more conservatively and I have not had a large amount of sexual partners. It's never bothered me to be honest as I am really not interested in casual sex. I love my husband, we are monogamous and that's that. I also struggle with anxiety and disordered eating/self- image issues so opening myself up in a sexual way feels extremely vulnerable so I have only been intimate with a few committed partners.
He has joked about me sleeping with other people before but tbh I never took it seriously. He always said "I don't care who you sleep with just don't fall in love with them." We've been together for almost twelve years., Married for almost 7, These comments about non monogamy only started around 1.5- 2 years ago. In the interium he has consistently accused me of cheating ( I haven't) even going through my phone while I was sleeping.
From there the conversation devolved into our sex life as we have struggled in the past with variety and kinks.
Suddenly within the conversation he brings up his ex girlfriend and that she "would engage" with certain kinks. We discussed it and opened some things up in our sex life which was amazing.
I told him that I was uncomfortable with the close social media friendship with his ex and asked him to tone it down.
Then a few days later I see that he is on his phone with a full on text thread with his ex on it- before I can ask to see his phone he subtly deletes the whole thing. We had an argument but I thought (hoped) that was the end of it.
Backstory here- I met my husband when his ex-girlfriend started sleeping with my then boyfriend (they were working together). My husband met me on Facebook and we really bonded and started dating. We have been together ever since. However, I still carry a lot of scars from that relatonship/being cheated on in the past and my childhood which included a emotionally abusive parent ( father) who had an affair.
To be honest I have never liked this person, I find her to be narcissitic, selfish and completely untrustworthy. Previously she has cheated on every partner that she has ever had with the previous one, and with the exception of myself non of her exboyfriends current partners/spouses etc. are comfortable with them having even a friendship with her.
She is now in a poly relationship --lives with her primary in the same city my husband and I live in (and her other partner lives overseas).
Now during COVID - my husband and I have suddenly reconnected, we are having better sex than ever and communicating more than ever. We were even trying to get pregnant.
But ever since the previous text thread something was really gnawing at me, just a feeling that we was constantly talking to her and a few days ago after an additional confrontation, he confessed to having feelings for her and said that she had said during a conversation "I really miss you and I would love to date you again." he said he responded with " I am married" and that she responded with " Well I would still love to date you, and that he hasn't spoken to her since via text." He says their text exchange went on for about three (3) weeks.
He is now asking me for a poly relationship with her. He's not interested in dating other people--it is specific to her. He says she's changed and grown so much from when he dated her in college.
I am personally heartbroken and I feel like there is a huge amount of gas lighting going on. My husband says I have veto power here as does his potiential girlfriends partner but, any time I try to share my feelings it becomes incredibly contentious ( I'm selfish, I just care what others think, etc.) And when I talk about my veto- he asks if I am giving an ultimatum.
I feel incredibly hurt and heartbroken, my anxiety is at an all time high, I am naseous and suffering from lack of appetite.
I appreciate anyone who made it to the end of this post and any support/advice/etc you can give.
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2020.04.25 09:21 willowygirl I'll See You Soon, But Not Soon Enough

Summer of 2011 I was a university student, enrolled in summer courses to help accelerate my Bachelor of Science degree. I was offsetting a more difficult BioStat course with a Narrative Literature course (one of the options for the mandatory first year English requirement).
He caught my eye on the very first day. I was 20 years old, slightly older than my classmates, but what set me apart even more was my status as a single mother. It was one of those things that was omnipresent for me; I looked at my fellow students and saw them as fledglings - able to enjoy that space between childhood and adulthood. I would never know how it felt to be a carefree young adult. I was stuck between worlds - too young and inexperienced to fit in with other mothers, too much baggage to fit in with the other students.
But he wasn't like the other students. He was older - in his 30s. He was also handsome with his dark hair and slim build. He was sitting near the centre of the room and I sat at the edge, sneaking glances.
It wasn't long before he spoke. He was extroverted and confident, easily engaging with the professor. His voice was rich and low, closely resembling that of Matthew McConaughey (minus the southern accent. This story happened in Canada). It moved me at a cellular level.
It took me about 5 classes before I drummed up the courage to sit next to him. I noticed that he was often one of the first to arrive, so it was simply a matter of arriving early enough to claim the empty chair beside him. The first time I had difficulty making eye contact, and may have squeaked out a hello. I had high hopes of initiating a conversation about the weather at very least, but I couldn't will my mouth to speak.
I arrived prepared the next time. I pulled out a fresh sheet of note paper and while the professor began her lecture I scribbled "Hi! I'm Willow!"
My hand trembled a little as I nudged the paper in his direction. His eyes caught the movement and he didn't hesitate to scrawl back: "Hi! I'm Chris!"
It was on from then. We spent our lectures passing notes back and forth, asking about likes and dislikes, trying to make each other laugh and risk having all the eyes of the class on us after our barely muffled giggles/snorts. We thought we were being inconspicuous but I'm pretty sure we weren't fooling anyone.
I lived for our cutesy handwritten conversations, but I wanted more. I dropped hints about coffee and my favorite place to get it. The next class he was there waiting with a cup. He started walking me to my car after class, lingering for a chat with his long form leaned against my window. I found myself focusing less on what he was saying and willing him to make a move. As mentioned, I wasn't a virgin. I knew where I wanted this to go and I was growing bolder by the day, but also frustrated by my own impotence. I sensed he wanted it too - his arm brushed against mine too often while sitting side by side. Sometimes his leg would shift and touch mine and hesitate there and the blood rushing in my ears would drown out the lecture.
We had a rare July thundershower one hot afternoon as he walked me to my car. My tank top was getting soaked and my hair plastered to my forehead but I didn't care. I could feel it - today was the day that something would finally happen.
I leaned up against my car, hyper-aware of his gaze and meeting it unflinchingly.
He moved so suddenly it almost frightened me. He kissed me as the percussive raindrops drummed my car roof and pressed his body against mine. His hand grappled for the door handle, opened it, and lip-locked we fell into the backseat of the car. His hands were everywhere, sweat mingled with rain and steamed up the windows.
Breathless, we finally pulled apart before any clothes came off. We agreed that we could hardly wait to see each other in class again, and he walked away from me in the rain.
Our notes were much more explicit during our next class together. I was eager and throbbing. I knew what I wanted and was ready.
After class we drove off to a secluded wooded area near the school. He produced a condom and we had about as passionate sex as one could possibly have in a car with a brand new partner.
This is where the story goes south.
During the afterglow while he held me tight to his chest, he told me he was married.
It felt like the world crashed down on me. I had broken up with the cheating father of my child just over a year previous and I couldn't believe the position I was suddenly in. I had spent a month falling for this man, romanticizing him and our slow ascent and suddenly I knew clearly why he had been so hesitant to make a move on me.
"I really care about you. You're the most incredible girl I have ever met. It's like we were built for each other."
He spoke the words I wanted to hear. He told me about how his wife was 12 years his senior (he was 33, 13 years older than me) and sexless. He also talked about how badly they wanted children, but upon discovering that she was infertile, they pretty much stopped having sex altogether. He claimed they were currently little more than really considerate roommates.
I fell for it.
Our relationship was really fun at first. I let him meet my barely toddler-sized child early on. He loved coming over often and playing house with us. We were the family he never had and he talked about his desire for children often. He told me he loved me - us - early on. I reciprocated his affection gladly.
Eventually it would get dark outside, though, and he would leave for his real home.
I resented his wife at first. We had a lot of talks about her and I would try to present logical arguments for why it was time to leave. Weeks passed into months and it was never the right time.
I don't know exactly when it began to shift. There were some red flags: His extroversion and confidence morphed into leading comments about my behaviour and how it could improve. He made some racist comments on one occasion and his views on female body autonomy were not in line with mine. He was also religious and convinced that one day I would be smart enough to figure out that God did exist after all (I'm atheist). In retrospect he was also quite talented at gaslighting, but I didn't pick up on it at the time.
I started to pull away and he sensed it. He responded by granting one of my wishes - an entire night together - just me and him.
We arranged a night at a local upscale wellness resort. The room was beautiful and I still have lovely photos of our time there - but at 3 in the morning I woke up and I suddenly couldn't do it anymore: I broke up with him.
It shocked both of us, frankly. He didn't argue - just gathered up his things and drove away. I was stunned at the ease of it.
If only it was that easy.
We had finished our Narrative Lit class by this time, but had conspired to choose the same elective - Psychology - for the fall semester. This meant that we still had a class to attend together every other day.
He didn't use his cellphone for texting - too easy for his wife to trace - so we communicated exclusively through email when we were apart. It was common for him to sign his emails "I'll see you soon, but not soon enough." After we broke up, there were 6 of these emails before I had a chance to respond ranging in tone from brisk to playful to pleading.
I wasn't swayed. I told him that I had fallen out of love and that it was over. He responded by sending more emails, but when they went unanswered, he showed up at my house late that evening.
I didn't let him in. I was feeling rattled by his persistence, but I thought if I refused to answer the door he would go away. I could hear him calling for me, alternating between sweet loving words and irritated commands for me to talk him.
For context: I lived in the end unit of a row of townhouses. I had a front door, a back basement door, and an upper floor balcony. The front and back doors were locked, but I rarely locked the balcony door because it wasn't easily accessible from the ground.
I was sitting in my living room on the upper level (my son was asleep downstairs) when I heard a commotion in the direction of the balcony. I looked up to see him toppling over the railing. With a lurch I managed to lock the balcony door seconds before he could open it and let himself inside.
By this time I was shaking. He had gone from zero to creepy fast enough to give me whiplash. I barely recognized him as someone I had been so incredibly enamoured with - his pleas for me to let him inside were frenetic and he switched from wrenching on the door handle to trying to push the dining room window open.
It felt like I had entered someone else's nightmare as I fought to keep the window closed - begging him to leave while he begged me to let him in. I managed to wedge the security stick in that kept it from opening further than a small gap.
He demanded I let him in. I shook my head and asked him to leave as assertively as I could. He switched gears and told me that even though he had managed to climb up the second floor balcony, he didn't think that he would be able to safely climb back down.
I wavered, considering this. I didn't want him to get hurt. He saw my resolve weaken and promised that he would simply walk through the kitchen, down the stairs and out the front door if I let him in.
I tried one more time to encourage him to leave the way he came - he refused, citing possible injury. So I caved.
He lied. He stood there in my kitchen with his arms folded and demanded a better explanation for why I decided to end the relationship. I tried to usher him out but he was unmoveable. I couldn't even explain it - didn't want to explain it - just wanted him OUT. I told him that if he didn't leave right away I would call the police. I reached for my cellphone and he reacted quickly - he snatched it from my hands and held it high out of my reach.
My blood ran cold at this point. Here I was trapped in my home with this man, my child sleeping downstairs and my main source for calling for help was in his hands.
"I'll scream."
"No you won't."
I reached for it but it was no use.
"Just leave me alone," I begged.
"Not until you admit you love me."
"I don't. It's over. We're done."
"Those are just the lies you tell yourself because you're afraid to be close. BE REAL." He looked like he believed exactly what he was saying with full conviction. It was too much.
"Please. You're scaring me."
He softened. "Willow-Bee" he murmured and reached for me. I stiffened as his arms encircled me. He squeezed me tight, but as his hold loosened, I seized my chance and pulled away from him having grabbed my phone from his unsuspecting fingers.
I was already dialing a friend of mine (also happened to be a local police officer) as he chased me down the stairs. My police officer friend, Paul, answered on the second ring. Backed into a corner in the basement, I held my phone in front of me like a shield and spoke to my friend on speakerphone while Chris waited at arms-length, silently listening to my quivering voice explaining the situation.
Paul sternly admonished Chris to leave my house immediately and with a withering glare, Chris exited and drove away. After Chris left he checked in with me to be sure I was OK and recommended that I call the actual police. I explained that I still had some feelings for Chris, and didn't think he deserved to have his whole life blown up, despite how frightening his behaviour had been.
After we disconnected I wrapped myself up in several blankets, but it took a long time before I felt warm.
For weeks he bombarded me with emails and waited for me outside of my classes. We only shared one class, but he knew my schedule and would wait outside my other classes too. I walked silently past him and he would follow me, trying fruitlessly to get me to engage. He would also wait outside my house at night sometimes, and leave me loving messages on the sidewalk in chalk.
"I love you Willow-Bee" the chalk spelled in white block letters.
So I stopped going to my classes. I did my best to stay caught up on the material by studying the slides my professors posted online and reading the textbooks. Weeks passed without me being forced to see or talk to him. I had to attend the exams though, and sure enough, he was there outside my psychology exam, waiting.
I walked quickly towards my car and he followed, begging.
"Please! GO AWAY!" Months of feeling afraid and powerless were welling to the surface. I raced into the driver's seat of my car, but he was there, holding the door open against me as I tried to pull it closed. I tried uselessly to shut it, then scooted out the car.
He followed me as I did laps around the car. I threatened to call the police on him for harassment. He laughed at me.
I tried to reason with him. It was impossible. I darted for the driver's seat again and this time was successful at slamming the door shut before he could hold it open.
His response? He placed his foot under the driver's side tire and told me that in order to drive away I would have to run him over.
I so badly wanted to do it. Weeks of looking over my shoulder, of reading his emails with shivers. He rambled for paragraphs, accusing me of being pregnant with his child, mostly. Promising me everything, accusing me of lying about my feelings etc.
Here is one of the many emails left unanswered:

"I called you but I didn't hear back.... I'm worried that you are hurting and/or in trouble!! :( I can't drop by to check on you..... You keep pretending I'm not welcome there :P
I'll send you this so that you know whats going on, I'll call you again as well.
Do I Understand what and why you are doing this? NO I really don't! Who would? Especially when we both know its bs.
I have ideas and guesses....There is no way to understand it. I don't know what's really going on. I'm lacking whatever information you think you need to hide. I don't have the real information. I would LIKE to know, However that is your prerogative. I wish you wouldn't hide and hold back, but.... We have both said so much already.
So no, I don't understand. I hope that reading the messages I sent matter to you, Actually I'm sure that they do. We both know that you care, that we both care far more than we ever let on.
I did ask you to do me the courtesy of telling me whats really going on, even IF you'll "never see me again"..... as you say. Such a waste!
You don't need to drive me away. You should really have a hard think about all that I said in those messages. You don't HAVE to pretend all this BS... And you don't HAVE to hide the truth from me. Or have I guessed it already? That you are pregnant and full of fear? And that you don't want to be "the cause" of my marital breakdown...Well your not! A catalyst yes, but your NOT the cause. You just helped me realise that I COULD be happy. And I was, I'd STILL be if you'd drop the act and be real with me. We both were happy. I'd love to have that again, even for a short time, ANY time would be worth it and more. Knowing that I could be fulfilled, and so were you... But is it also that you are worried about your condition, so you think why invest your heart and love (already there!) into us anyway? Maybe you think its "easier" to drive me away and just waste away with your personal misery and not have a love to share with.... As I say I have ideas, maybe closer to the mark than I know, maybe not... You tell me. I dare you. "

So here I am, in the driver's seat of my car, with my married exboyfriend stubbornly sticking his leg in the way of my wheel. I had two choices I could drive over him, or I could call for help.
It was at this point that I finally called the police.
He figured out I was talking to the cops early enough to deke out before they could arrive. They took my statement and sent a member to his home to warn him to stop contacting me.
He sent one final email.
" This is the 2nd time you have WAY crossed the line of decent behaviour. Now to the business at hand.
I'm asking you to stop harassing me and stop threatening me.
If you have ANY pictures of me at this time I demand that you delete them. I do not give you permission to have anything like that at this time.
I do not want to have to inform the police that you stalked me along with [Paul, my cop friend], who miss-used police equipment to fraudulently attain my personal information and then gave it to his civilian ex-girlfriend, your self, so that you could find out about me. I'm sure that breach of trust, and many others, would not be well looked upon. Or that you have made personal threats to harm me or to otherwise harm my family. You have gone way to ridiculous with this. Stop bothering me. I told you that I care, but I am not interested in you attacking me or your threats against me.
IF you can be civil and reasonable you may explain your poor actions via email. If not, I choose to forgive you any way. Good bye, stop harassing me. "

A gas-lighter to the very last.
submitted by willowygirl to nosleep [link] [comments]


2020.04.25 08:50 willowygirl I'll See You, But Not Soon Enough

Summer of 2011 I was a university student, enrolled in summer courses to help accelerate my Bachelor of Science degree. I was offsetting a more difficult BioStat course with a Narrative Literature course (one of the options for the mandatory first year English requirement).
He caught my eye on the very first day. I was 20 years old, slightly older than my classmates, but what set me apart even more was my status as a single mother. It was one of those things that was omnipresent for me; I looked at my fellow students and saw them as fledglings - able to enjoy that space between childhood and adulthood. I would never know how it felt to be a carefree young adult. I was stuck between worlds - too young and inexperienced to fit in with other mothers, too much baggage to fit in with the other students.
But he wasn't like the other students. He was older - in his 30s. He was also handsome with his dark hair and slim build. He was sitting near the centre of the room and I sat at the edge, sneaking glances.
It wasn't long before he spoke. He was extroverted and confident, easily engaging with the professor. His voice was rich and low, closely resembling that of Matthew McConaughey (minus the southern accent. This story happened in Canada). It moved me at a cellular level.
It took me about 5 classes before I drummed up the courage to sit next to him. I noticed that he was often one of the first to arrive, so it was simply a matter of arriving early enough to claim the empty chair beside him. The first time I had difficulty making eye contact, and may have squeaked out a hello. I had high hopes of initiating a conversation about the weather at very least, but I couldn't will my mouth to speak.
I arrived prepared the next time. I pulled out a fresh sheet of note paper and while the professor began her lecture I scribbled "Hi! I'm Willow!"
My hand trembled a little as I nudged the paper in his direction. His eyes caught the movement and he didn't hesitate to scrawl back: "Hi! I'm Chris!"
It was on from then. We spent our lectures passing notes back and forth, asking about likes and dislikes, trying to make each other laugh and risk having all the eyes of the class on us after our barely muffled giggles/snorts. We thought we were being inconspicuous but I'm pretty sure we weren't fooling anyone.
I lived for our cutesy handwritten conversations, but I wanted more. I dropped hints about coffee and my favorite place to get it. The next class he was there waiting with a cup. He started walking me to my car after class, lingering for a chat with his long form leaned against my window. I found myself focusing less on what he was saying and willing him to make a move. As mentioned, I wasn't a virgin. I knew where I wanted this to go and I was growing bolder by the day, but also frustrated by my own impotence. I sensed he wanted it too - his arm brushed against mine too often while sitting side by side. Sometimes his leg would shift and touch mine and hesitate there and the blood rushing in my ears would drown out the lecture.
We had a rare July thundershower one hot afternoon as he walked me to my car. My tank top was getting soaked and my hair plastered to my forehead but I didn't care. I could feel it - today was the day that something would finally happen.
I leaned up against my car, hyper-aware of his gaze and meeting it unflinchingly.
He moved so suddenly it almost frightened me. He kissed me as the percussive raindrops drummed my car roof and pressed his body against mine. His hand grappled for the door handle, opened it, and lip-locked we fell into the backseat of the car. His hands were everywhere, sweat mingled with rain and steamed up the windows.
Breathless, we finally pulled apart before any clothes came off. We agreed that we could hardly wait to see each other in class again, and he walked away from me in the rain.
Our notes were much more explicit during our next class together. I was eager and throbbing. I knew what I wanted and was ready.
After class we drove off to a secluded wooded area near the school. He produced a condom and we had about as passionate sex as one could possibly have in a car with a brand new partner.
This is where the story goes south.
During the afterglow while he held me tight to his chest, he told me he was married.
It felt like the world crashed down on me. I had broken up with the cheating father of my child just over a year previous and I couldn't believe the position I was suddenly in. I had spent a month falling for this man, romanticizing him and our slow ascent and suddenly I knew clearly why he had been so hesitant to make a move on me.
"I really care about you. You're the most incredible girl I have ever met. It's like we were built for each other."
He spoke the words I wanted to hear. He told me about how his wife was 12 years his senior (he was 33, 13 years older than me) and sexless. He also talked about how badly they wanted children, but upon discovering that she was infertile, they pretty much stopped having sex altogether. He claimed they were currently little more than really considerate roommates.
I fell for it.
Our relationship was really fun at first. I let him meet my barely toddler-sized child early on. He loved coming over often and playing house with us. We were the family he never had and he talked about his desire for children often. He told me he loved me - us - early on. I reciprocated his affection gladly.
Eventually it would get dark outside, though, and he would leave for his real home.
I resented his wife at first. We had a lot of talks about her and I would try to present logical arguments for why it was time to leave. Weeks passed into months and it was never the right time.
I don't know exactly when it began to shift. There were some red flags: His extroversion and confidence morphed into leading comments about my behaviour and how it could improve. He made some racist comments on one occasion and his views on female body autonomy were not in line with mine. He was also religious and convinced that one day I would be smart enough to figure out that God did exist after all (I'm atheist). In retrospect he was also quite talented at gaslighting, but I didn't pick up on it at the time.
I started to pull away and he sensed it. He responded by granting one of my wishes - an entire night together - just me and him.
We arranged a night at a local upscale wellness resort. The room was beautiful and I still have lovely photos of our time there - but at 3 in the morning I woke up and I suddenly couldn't do it anymore: I broke up with him.
It shocked both of us, frankly. He didn't argue - just gathered up his things and drove away. I was stunned at the ease of it.
If only it was that easy.
We had finished our Narrative Lit class by this time, but had conspired to choose the same elective - Psychology - for the fall semester. This meant that we still had a class to attend together every other day.
He didn't use his cellphone for texting - too easy for his wife to trace - so we communicated exclusively through email when we were apart. It was common for him to sign his emails "I'll see you soon, but not soon enough." After we broke up, there were 6 of these emails before I had a chance to respond ranging in tone from brisk to playful to pleading.
I wasn't swayed. I told him that I had fallen out of love and that it was over. He responded by sending more emails, but when they went unanswered, he showed up at my house late that evening.
I didn't let him in. I was feeling rattled by his persistence, but I thought if I refused to answer the door he would go away. I could hear him calling for me, alternating between sweet loving words and irritated commands for me to talk him.
For context: I lived in the end unit of a row of townhouses. I had a front door, a back basement door, and an upper floor balcony. The front and back doors were locked, but I rarely locked the balcony door because it wasn't easily accessible from the ground.
I was sitting in my living room on the upper level (my son was asleep downstairs) when I heard a commotion in the direction of the balcony. I looked up to see him toppling over the railing. With a lurch I managed to lock the balcony door seconds before he could open it and let himself inside.
By this time I was shaking. He had gone from zero to creepy fast enough to give me whiplash. I barely recognized him as someone I had been so incredibly enamoured with - his pleas for me to let him inside were frenetic and he switched from wrenching on the door handle to trying to push the dining room window open.
It felt like I had entered someone else's nightmare as I fought to keep the window closed - begging him to leave while he begged me to let him in. I managed to wedge the security stick in that kept it from opening further than a small gap.
He demanded I let him in. I shook my head and asked him to leave as assertively as I could. He switched gears and told me that even though he had managed to climb up the second floor balcony, he didn't think that he would be able to safely climb back down.
I wavered, considering this. I didn't want him to get hurt. He saw my resolve weaken and promised that he would simply walk through the kitchen, down the stairs and out the front door if I let him in.
I tried one more time to encourage him to leave the way he came - he refused, citing possible injury. So I caved.
He lied. He stood there in my kitchen with his arms folded and demanded a better explanation for why I decided to end the relationship. I tried to usher him out but he was unmoveable. I couldn't even explain it - didn't want to explain it - just wanted him OUT. I told him that if he didn't leave right away I would call the police. I reached for my cellphone and he reacted quickly - he snatched it from my hands and held it high out of my reach.
My blood ran cold at this point. Here I was trapped in my home with this man, my child sleeping downstairs and my main source for calling for help was in his hands.
"I'll scream."
"No you won't."
I reached for it but it was no use.
"Just leave me alone," I begged.
"Not until you admit you love me."
"I don't. It's over. We're done."
"Those are just the lies you tell yourself because you're afraid to be close. BE REAL." He looked like he believed exactly what he was saying with full conviction. It was too much.
"Please. You're scaring me."
He softened. "Willow-Bee" he murmured and reached for me. I stiffened as his arms encircled me. He squeezed me tight, but as his hold loosened, I seized my chance and pulled away from him having grabbed my phone from his unsuspecting fingers.
I was already dialing a friend of mine (also happened to be a local police officer) as he chased me down the stairs. My police officer friend, Paul, answered on the second ring. Backed into a corner in the basement, I held my phone in front of me like a shield and spoke to my friend on speakerphone while Chris waited at arms-length, silently listening to my quivering voice explaining the situation.
Paul sternly admonished Chris to leave my house immediately and with a withering glare, Chris exited and drove away. After Chris left he checked in with me to be sure I was OK and recommended that I call the actual police. I explained that I still had some feelings for Chris, and didn't think he deserved to have his whole life blown up, despite how much he had scared me.
After we disconnected I wrapped myself up in several blankets, but it took a long time before I felt warm.
I wish I could say that the ordeal was over after this, but I would be lying. For weeks he emailed me and waited for me outside of my classes. We only shared one class, but he knew my schedule and would wait outside my other classes too. I walked silently past him and he would follow me, trying fruitlessly to get me to engage. He would also wait outside my house at night sometimes, and leave me loving messages on the sidewalk in chalk.
"I love you Willow-Bee" the chalk spelled in block letters.
So I stopped going to my classes. I did my best to stay caught up on the material by studying the slides posted online and reading the text book. Weeks passed without me being forced to see or talk to him. I had to attend the exams though, and sure enough, he was there outside my psychology exam, waiting.
I walked quickly towards my car and he followed, begging.
"Please! GO AWAY!" Months of feeling afraid and powerless were welling to the surface. I raced into the driver's seat of my car, but he was there, holding the door open against me as I tried to pull it closed. I tried uselessly to shut it, then scooted out the car.
He followed me as I did laps around the car. I threatened to call the police on him for harassment. He laughed at me.
I tried to reason with him. It was impossible. I darted for the driver's seat again and this time was successful at slamming the door shut before he could hold it open.
His response? He placed his foot under the driver's side tire and told me that in order to drive away I would have to run him over.
I so badly wanted to do it. Weeks of looking over my shoulder, of reading his emails with shivers. He rambled for paragraphs, accusing me of being pregnant with his child, mostly. Promising me everything, accusing me of lying about my feelings etc.
Here is one of the many emails left unanswered:

"I called you but I didn't hear back.... I'm worried that you are hurting and/or in trouble!! :( I can't drop by to check on you..... You keep pretending I'm not welcome there :P
I'll send you this so that you know whats going on, I'll call you again as well.
Do I Understand what and why you are doing this? NO I really don't! Who would? Especially when we both know its bs.
I have ideas and guesses....There is no way to understand it. I don't know what's really going on. I'm lacking whatever information you think you need to hide. I don't have the real information. I would LIKE to know, However that is your prerogative. I wish you wouldn't hide and hold back, but.... We have both said so much already.
So no, I don't understand. I hope that reading the messages I sent matter to you, Actually I'm sure that they do. We both know that you care, that we both care far more than we ever let on.
I did ask you to do me the courtesy of telling me whats really going on, even IF you'll "never see me again"..... as you say. Such a waste!
You don't need to drive me away. You should really have a hard think about all that I said in those messages. You don't HAVE to pretend all this BS... And you don't HAVE to hide the truth from me. Or have I guessed it already? That you are pregnant and full of fear? And that you don't want to be "the cause" of my marital breakdown...Well your not! A catalyst yes, but your NOT the cause. You just helped me realise that I COULD be happy. And I was, I'd STILL be if you'd drop the act and be real with me. We both were happy. I'd love to have that again, even for a short time, ANY time would be worth it and more. Knowing that I could be fulfilled, and so were you... But is it also that you are worried about your condition, so you think why invest your heart and love (already there!) into us anyway? Maybe you think its "easier" to drive me away and just waste away with your personal misery and not have a love to share with.... As I say I have ideas, maybe closer to the mark than I know, maybe not... You tell me. I dare you. "

So here I am, in the driver's seat of my car, with my married exboyfriend stubbornly sticking his leg in the way of my wheel. I had two choices I could drive over him, or I could call for help.
It was at this point that I finally called the police.
He figured out I was talking to the cops early enough to deke out before they could arrive. They took my statement and sent a member to his home to warn him to stop contacting me.
He sent one final email.

" This is the 2nd time you have WAY crossed the line of decent behaviour. Now to the business at hand.
I'm asking you to stop harassing me and stop threatening me.
If you have ANY pictures of me at this time I demand that you delete them. I do not give you permission to have anything like that at this time.
I do not want to have to inform the police that you stalked me along with [Paul, my cop friend], who miss-used police equipment to fraudulently attain my personal information and then gave it to his civilian ex-girlfriend, your self, so that you could find out about me. I'm sure that breach of trust, and many others, would not be well looked upon. Or that you have made personal threats to harm me or to otherwise harm my family. You have gone way to ridiculous with this. Stop bothering me. I told you that I care, but I am not interested in you attacking me or your threats against me.
IF you can be civil and reasonable you may explain your poor actions via email. If not, I choose to forgive you any way. Good bye, stop harassing me. "

A gas-lighter to his last breath. Let's not meet again.
submitted by willowygirl to LetsNotMeet [link] [comments]


2020.02.11 11:03 whoknowswhat22 Girlfriend (23F) turns to ex-boyfriend to fulfill needs that I (23M) cannot fulfill

I've been dating this girl for almost 5 months and things were really great.

However, she's quite an accomplished girl and is really attractive and has no trouble finding partners. For some reason, she's decided to be with me, although I'm still a college student and have nothing much to offer. I don't drive, I still live with my parents and I'm not financially stable.
She's from a rather pampered environment and has always been well taken care of. However, there are times where she needed someone and I'm unable to be the one to help her. An example was she fell sick and had to be taken to the hospital. I was in school and I didn't have a car. So her exboyfriend took her. Another time was she got into a huge fight with her family and they chased her out of the house. Once again, I didn't have a car and we lived quite some distance apart. I also couldn't let her stay at my place because my parents did not approve of our relationship. Once again, her exboyfriend was there and fetched her to his place to stay the night. She told me all about it and assures me that nothing happens and I believe her.
However, this makes me feel like I'm not at a point in my life where I can take care of her needs, and I'm not a reliable boyfriend.
It bothers me that he can provide for her so much better than I can, and although I understand why she's doing these things I can't help but feel worried and inadequate and overall quite shit.
submitted by whoknowswhat22 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.01.14 13:55 sadtimez69 Feel like shes turned my life into a tv show.. heading home to deal with her cheating tomorrow

Been lurking this sub for a long time now but never actually thought i would have something to post.. about 15 days ago i was hit with a phonecall which shattered my world. Names and places will be chamged because my friends and partner both know i am always on redddit. Burner account for the same reason. Im M(22) and she is F(22).
Had some issues with my girlfriend of 2yrs about a month ago and we had a discussion trying to figure out what we could do to fix things and everything seemed to be great. The days following our discussion were some of the happiest i have had in months with her. However a few days after we talked i went back home for christmas. While we apart everything was great at first but then she went back to her hometown a week after i left and she started becoming distant. She kept telling me how she would accidentally run into her ex boyfriend. Or how his flight would be cancelled so he had to stay over. I trusted her so much i just went along and believed everything because i love her.
15 days ago when she told me about the cheating was the day i landed on a trip across the sea. She told me via phone call that she slept with her exboyfriend. It felt like she was just getting the guilt off her chest as she didnt even have to see my face when she told me. Fast forward a few days and i see photos of them together on instagram, just shattered me. I called her and basically crumbled told her how much i love her and she told me she slept with him three times.
The most twisted part is that she used to date him just before meeting me and the reason they broke up with her is because he cheated on her.
I feel like ive been used, and like im just a character in her strange tv show. My heart is in pieces and i dont know what to do. Im out here all alone in an airbnb and am so far away i cant get a read on what she is even thinking.
Heading home tomorrow... wondering if there is any hope of reconciliation? She is so sorry and apologetic but it doesnt match the response and photos i see of her partying and of them together on instagram. I just love her so much and feel like i cant imagine a world without her.
submitted by sadtimez69 to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]


2019.12.30 23:09 capa57218 Girlfriend's exboyfriend died three years ago, she still talks about him like he's the love of her life. How do I react?

Hi! First time ever posting on reddit but I'm quite desperate as to how to react, I'm 20 so I'm quite inexperienced with these kinds of situations. So my girlfriend's (20) exboyfriend died three years ago and she clearly still hasn't gotten over him, let alone the grief of him passing but him as a partner. She says he was the perfect guy for her and reads me old texts of the things they used to say to one another, telling me vague intimacy details. I also want to add that before he passed they had broken up, he was with someone else, a friend of hers and she says that she was fine with that but I honestly think she wasn't. It's sort of starting to make me feel uncomfortable but I don't want to be a complete dummy about this and go about it the wrong way, am I being selfish? How should I react? Thanks so much for the help
TL;DR girlfriend's exboyfriend died three years ago, she hasn't gotten over him, how should I react?
submitted by capa57218 to relationships [link] [comments]


2019.12.27 22:08 ThrowRAK How should I(38/f) tell a potential partner(37/m) that he would need to get a job if we were to enter a relationship together? I’m disabled & fear resentment..

After spending most of my time working for many years, I became disabled. I’ve been on SSDI for a few years now and, since my last relationship ended years ago, I’ve been living in pretty bad living conditions. Needless to say, I want out. However, I’ve done my best to make the most of it, I’m a frugal person, I have excellent credit/no debt, & I’m able to save money. Aside from living with partners, I’ve been on my own since my late teens.
This year I came back into contact with my exboyfriend with whom I’ve fallen in and out of contact with over the years(we’ve known each other since we were teens). Overall, things have been going better between us than they have in the past. I see he’s grown a lot as a person, including beating his addiction. I’m definitely interested in him and he’s interested in me. However, he still lives on his father’s property(in an in-law unit beside his house). This wouldn’t be a problem for me(I would live in a similar situation if I had family with whom I had a healthy relationship) if not for the fact that his father has made it clear more than once over the years that I’m not allowed to live on the property. It’s nothing against me; he just doesn’t want any “change” in his life and, as an introvert homebody who generally likes to keep to herself, I can understand where he’s coming from. I probably wouldn’t want to share my property either.
The problem lies in the fact that I can’t afford a rental of my own(outside of disabled housing, for which I’ve been on the waitlist for for some time now) & my friend/potential partner does not work. He worked at the same job, in varying positions, for the most part, since he was a teen. Unfortunately, that job ended for him due to budget cuts ~2 years ago. He hasn’t worked since and he’s a very far left individual who resents “the system” and finds the idea of dragging himself to a job he hates everyday to be quite depressing. I hear him. Been there, done that, wish I still had the ability, though. He also has social anxiety, which I very much relate to, and he’s been in therapy/is in it now but it continues to be a significant problem for him.
I should also mention that he lives in another state from me(I moved away to live with my partner of several years) and in one of the most expensive parts of the country. Even if he did find a job(he’s completed a lot of community college classes but no degree), affording housing would be quite difficult there. I would definitely not be able to pay half the rent on any rental.
I don’t want to set some kind of “ultimatum” but I want him to know that I would be very open to a relationship with him if he were to figure out, along with me, how we could live together and have a stable life. However, I do fear resentment and, as a (legitimately) disabled individual, I feel it’s hypocritical for me to push him to get a job. Right now, all of his needs are met by his father, the occasional odd job, & the $80 he receives in food stamp benefits. He lives on a gorgeous property in an absolutely wonderful part of the country, where I actually felt at home/have longed to return to. I would have a very tough time asking someone to leave such a wonderful place/cushy living situation. At the same time, he’s resentful of any restrictions his father puts on his life(not many, just.. can’t have me or anyone living there) and his lack of say in how things are done on the property. So it’s not exactly an ideal situation for him but I don’t feel “right” asking him to “step it up,” move to a less expensive part of the country, & become the “breadwinner”(I make very little) in our relationship.
I guess I just want to know what’s fair, reasonable, and so on here. I‘m a pretty insecure person and I haven’t really attempted dating since my accident/worsening of my chronic illness/the end of a longterm relationship. My life revolves around managing my symptoms and I have many days where I’m just not able to do much. I fear resentment if he were to have to get a job then come home to a partner who might need something or just hasn’t been able to take care of household duties that day.
TL;DR I’m disabled and want to know how to approach the subject of asking a potential partner to “step it up” and get a job so we could actually have a life together, without fueling potential resentment. He’s in a cushy situation and I’m living in pretty bad conditions. He empathizes but has not made any “offers” to me outside of asking his father if I could live in a camper on their property(answer was “NO”).
submitted by ThrowRAK to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2019.12.26 16:57 matt_io Depression after breakup.

Hey there guys, Its my first post here and im trying to get over some things i hope that im able to reach out to some of yas :) First thing - im M20 currently living w my mother again looking for a flat. we were together for about 2 years and i always felt this thing that im not good enough. I soon developed fears of her wanting another man, so i went for work everyday and did some sidejobs which were physically exhausting. I tried to step up my game...
After two months after we first met she introduced me to her best friend f21 at that time. One day we were invited to a get together at the best friends place. She had charme and so did i well aware that we both had partners at that time. we went downstairs to smoke cigarettes after playing cards and drinking licor w ex gf and boyfriend of best friend. We ended up chatting for 20 - 30 min. And the past of this girl and my ex SO (f19at the time) was pretty difficult. (Best friend fucking exboyfriends of ex gf kissing good friends of her before me...) My ex girlfriend had been drinking too much also and was not aware of whats going on because we didnt tell her bc we were drunk and just wanted a cigarette her being knockedout. To get to the point: me and best friend were kissing. And after two years i still dont know how to feel about it. It felt very good even in the drunk state. Me and best friend were understanding each other and i liked her bc of her personality. Where as my gf and i were not understanding.
As a kid i had always a little bit of a jealousy problem but in that relationship i was so fucking jealous. And i cant stand it. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. But that is how i want to start with.
Thx for reading. :)
submitted by matt_io to BreakUp [link] [comments]


2019.12.22 11:30 throwawayforhelp2018 I'm angry and I need to vent

TW: intimate partner violence and sexual violence
Last April I had to get a restraining order against my exboyfriend. I waited a long time and missed so many red flags on the way there. But what's frustrating me now is the bureaucracy involved in him facing any consequences with the university.
So this guy comes from a rich and well-educated family. He held a well-respected job at the university that gave him power and recognition. He's also been fired from a job on campus for being inappropriate, been sanctioned for making female coworkers uncomfortable in another campus job, been investigated by the school before for abuse and rape, and he is on the school's threat watchlist. The investigation into him regarding his abuse of me has been going on since April and yet nothing has happened. Eventually they will finish and summarize their investigation then, once that's done, the disciplinary board will decide guilt on each conduct violation (8 of them, by the way. Ranging from IPV to rape to animal abuse). But as of now he's still going to school there and he's still living a fairly normal life while I had to move back home and have been struggling. I stupidly chose not to press criminal charges, and damn I regret that.
I'm angry that he's escaped consequences so many times. He has done atrocious things and been caught but each time the university gives him another chance. And I'm afraid that they'll do it again. He's supposed to graduate with a master's this spring - what if they decide it isn't worth it to expel him now? I had my whole academic career derailed because of him but he's still fine.
He seems like a great guy on paper. Fuck he's even an Eagle Scout. But he's a dangerous and manipulative man. He weasels out of things because he's brilliant and has influence and he's left a trail of abused partners in his wake. Very few people know about any of his indiscretions - including the restraining order - so he just sleazes on by without a problem. It takes a lot of willpower not to write a small exposé and submit it to the school paper. I want to tell people how many times the powers-that-be fucked up and let him go. I want people to know he isn't this brilliant social activist, he's a rapist and an abuser.
I need to let this out because everyday I check my email for the completed investigation summary. And everyday, nothing. I've been in contact with the investigator. The first expected finish date was June. Then August. Then September. Now it's January. What am I going to do if they don't punish him? What if my depression gets worse and I give up? What if I rage and scream and publicly denounce him? People want me to move on but I can't yet. Not until he's been held at least somewhat accountable.
And oh fuck am I angry at the Title IX adjustment that abolished the 60-day investigation mandate. I feel like I'm stuck on an endless hold and it's really pissing me off. Some people tell me that I did my best and should just accept that it's out of my hands. But that just makes me angrier because it basically means that he gets to do what he wants and I just have to let it happen. What kind of message is that? "Sure come report your abuser, we'll figure it out in 2 months to 2 years, no worries!"/s.
If anyone has any advice or anecdotes or anything I'd love to hear it. I'm just getting more and more disparaged
submitted by throwawayforhelp2018 to survivorsofabuse [link] [comments]


2019.10.30 12:41 babaganoush1212 Exhausted, confused and lost in just about every possible segment of my life... it feels like this amount of mess isn‘t where I should be at my age (32f)

so, to expand on the title:
Series of exhausting events started few years ago, and the s**t just kept on piling.
Short bio: 32yrs old, expat, single, unemployed, student, diagnosed bipolar 2, drugs and alcohol abuse problems, unsupportive friendships, trying hard to make things better, but seems like every step forward takes me two steps back.
probably this will be a longer post, so thanks to those who bear with me. i really need to vent.
I moved to a new country few years ago, in my mid 20’s, where i didnt speak the language and didn‘t know anyone. I did so to be closer to my exboyfriend , as our long distance relationship was pretty solid at the time and I planned to move somewhere abroad anyway. I also applied for a MA programme in the new city and got accepted. Parallel with this transition to new country, university, and life with my boyfriend, I was writing the thesis for MA i was finishing in my home country. In short, a bit of an overload. Things in the new city didn‘t start great- i was completely burned out, unable to enjoy life with my boyfriend, didn‘t feel like meeting new people, work on thesis took longer than expected, new MA didn‘t feel right, I started having intense anxiety and paranoid thoughts. I just wanted to sleep and eat and be alone. had zero libido, which ultimately doomed my relationship (among other things). It was a long dark period of just feeling out of place, lost, alone angry at myself for not being able to enjoy anything, after i seemingly had everything going so well.
fast forward two years, ex boyfriend and I broke up after 3+ yr long relationship. we just couldn‘t make it work, despite having genuine affection and love for each other. our dynamic was completely off in every way, my mood was mostly always bad, he was lost in his life too (he was 25at the time, i was few years older) break up was somewhat amicable but very painful.
I have moved out, losing my home, best friend and circle of people i knew. very soon after the breakup he had a new girlfriend, which made things even more complicated (that story is a whole new tragicomedy into which i won‘t go now). I felt like i lost that tiny inch of ground i had under my feet. Everywhere i went i was getting pity looks, as our breakup and new love of his were quite a topic, but i really tried to be strong and mature about it, despite my whole being feeling shred to pieces. lastly, he became a father last year, he and same girl got pregnant. im not even sure how i feel about that... so many other things are shitty that i couldn‘t even feel it to a degree it maybe deserves.
This whole thing sent me into (hypo)manic episode, during which i completely neglected my new studies (which i kind of hated anyway), and started partying relentlessly. My sense of identity in this new city was unstable to begin with, as i never felt belonging here, but combined with drinking, drugs and everything that comes with i was a hot mess. I got into a group of people, in which im still somewhat involved, which consists of self centered and generally selfish people. its not an amazing way to describe ones „friends“ (?), but it will have to do for now. group intrigues, collisions, fights are a constant, everyone has pretty regular drug habit, me included, but i‘m doing my best to stay out of it. needles to say, regular drug use and messy lifestyle sent me straight to series of depressive episodes, and after a really strong one i went to emergency clinic, got sent to psydoc, got diagnosed as bipolar 2, and started taking medicine. i didn‘t quit the lifestyle tho, so not much has changed.
I got involved with a guy who is in a relationship (... i know, i know) and that kept on dragging through a year or more, on and off. i fell completely in „love“, despite knowing there‘s no happy end to it. it really was a cherry on top of the s**tcake. needing love and security and care, i threw myself into something knowing it won‘t give me any of that... but the tiny glimpses. i finally ended it few months ago. i am still weak at thought of him, but i am done being treated poorly and i know i won‘t find what i‘m searching for there. I see him around a lot tho.
i keep being dissappointed in people surrounding me. it seems that without drugs there is very little we can do together. there are some closer friendships i have within that group, but it feels like thats mostly due to me putting in an effort and being flexible in the past. i am done with that too, can‘t put up with such one-sided relationships no longer. also, when things are tough i really feel alone and its hard to open up and trust anyone, because its such an intrigue driven group constellation...
now on a bright side: i am regularly taking my medicine and am feeling much better. i still have downs and ups, but they dont make me spiral as they used to. i started therapy and will continue that. i really look forward to sessions as it often feels my therapist is my only friend. i started going back to university and am planning to finish it in the summer. i am overall healthy and above average good looking (feels weird to write it lol), so at least physical side of my being isn‘t such a torture. i am involved in some hobbies and interests and trying to focus on that during this extremely lonesome phase. my family back home is relatively financially stable and supportive, although there are some issues there as well... i am supported through owning my own apartment and partially through my parents directly. i do some odd jobs here and there, but completely under my skill and education level. it was hard to imagine looking for any „real“ jobs in this whole mess, to be honest. i want to start earning my money soon, as i need that to start feeling like a proper person. i am open to moving somewhere else and starting anew.
With all that being said, i just feel like this isn‘t the life i ever thought i‘d be living, especially not in my 30‘s. most of my friends back home have children, partners and careers, and i‘m stuck at a rollercoaster of wtf. i can‘t even begin thinking about children, its way out of my horizon atm. I need to move away from this phase of my life, which i don‘t even know how to call... Its hard not to compare with others, despite seeing bright side even in darkest of my experiences. i am just confused and wondering when will things turn for the better, at least in one of life’s departments... It all feels like a bad dream. I really could use some tap on the shoulder to keep my head above the water.
if you managed all the way through, thanks for reading.
submitted by babaganoush1212 to AskWomenOver30 [link] [comments]


2019.10.11 11:57 ChloroformDaisy I Fucked up bad. he’s fucking sick.

Update: Is this considered harassment?
I thought I was going to stick around to watch him do the right thing but I figured you guys were right and I needed to get out. I blocked his phone number first and asked those closest to me to block him everywhere as well. He managed to call me through an unknown number and called me constantly today. I managed to direct those calls to voicemail on my phone but he emailed me that I was being immature and that he would be more mad at me if I kept ghosting him. I didn’t reply and now this is the final straw, he got another phone number and texted me a picture of my exboyfriend (whom I still have deep feelings for) and his new girlfriend. I blocked that number as well. I know he’s just trying to hurt me and he’s managing to do it. I’m just so mad, I feel so stupid, so naive and also a little scared still.
original post: I am desperate to find a way out of this relationship. my significant other (m31) and I (f21) have been dating for four months now. i explained to him at the very beginning that i wouldn’t be very emotionally available because of my past. things were going well i even lived with him for like two weeks. the thing is i’ve realize he makes me really uncomfortable with his behavior and immature reactions. he always blames it on his medication when i can see he quite obviously wants to hurt me. he takes xanax percocet ambien and i don’t know what else. he scares me when he is so disconnected from what’s going on at the moment. last week i tried telling him how i felt that maybe we were not a good match. he asked me to explain and i told him the truth about how i don’t feel what i’ve felt with past relationships and that i feel we are together for the wrong reasons. i told him i was always needing companionship but that i want too sure i was being a genuine partner. he got so mad saying all he had done was treated me like a princess and that nothing was enough for me. he said i just wanted to break up with him because i didn’t want to meet his parents because i’m too self conscious of my looks. he said that i had gained weight and that maybe i wouldn’t have gained so much weight if he hadn’t bought me so many meals. today i asked him that if he wanted to move forward that i wanted him to delete my nudes and videos he had on his phone. I told him i didn’t feel comfortable with it anymore especially after he said those things about me. he said it was completely unrelated and he didn’t want to do it. i begged him to do it but he refused and said i was just baiting him so he could break up with me. i told him he was being really terrible by refusing to do this very simple thing and it was wildly inappropriate for him to still hold on to that after i asked him to please delete it. he added my ex on instagram (i dont even have an ig. he stalked my brother, then my mom, then eventually found him) without my knowledge and taunted me about his new girlfriend. i asked him not to bring that up anymore because it really upsets me but he was clearly trying to get the best of me. im scared he will do something to somehow hurt me even more by leaking those videos. i can’t believe i didn’t see all those red flags. he proposed that we continue dating and once he has more appropriate pictures of the two of us together then he will delete them. it feels like he is holding me hostage and i’m just really disgusted by him but i don’t know how to come out of this clean.
submitted by ChloroformDaisy to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2019.09.25 23:49 tpounds0 [Feedback] Spec One Day at a Time - One Page Synopsis

Episode Title: One Seance at a Time
A Story: When Elena's jealousy of Syd's dead partner leads to Syd breaking things off and locking herself in Elena's room, Elena must figure out a sincere way to apologize before Syd misses her curfew.
B Story: When Leslie offers Alex money for books to encourage him to read, he realizes he doesn’t have the funds when Alex reads impossibly fast.
PDF Link: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1ic567LqwmaKw8NL9htvPQhasv9YjqPZx
This is my current draft of a synopsis for a Writing for Spec TV class I am taking. It's a pretty personal story based on my experience of my first exboyfriend passing away and an Ex's bad reaction to learning that detail. But hopefully broad enough to fit ODaaT's multicam Norman Lear tone!
No jokes in the synopsis, but I'll be happy to share the first draft as well once we get there in class.
Thanks for readin this far!
submitted by tpounds0 to Screenwriting [link] [comments]


2019.09.24 17:01 Cheeky__Cherry Advice/stories needed: transition to friends

I'm currently struggling a bit. Our exboyfriend left me and my other partner little over two weeks ago. We're trying to stay friends, but it's difficult. I'm looking for experiences of other people to help guide me a bit, and to make me feel less alone.
Have any of you done a successful transition from an intimate relationship back to friendship? How did it go?
submitted by Cheeky__Cherry to polyamory [link] [comments]


2019.07.19 00:50 trashaccount1234556 Having an abusive boyfriend

Hello, I've been wanting to make a post about this relationship I was in when I was young and I wanted to make it as anonymous as possible. It was at my two year mark with my current partner that I realized that my previous relationship was toxic. I will call said exboyfriend Blop.
!!WARNING !!!! IT INVOLVES SOME SUICIDE AND STORIES THAT MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME PEOPLE!!!
When i was 18 i started dating this guy from work, he was 6 years older then me but it didnt stop us from dating. Alot of my coworkers said blop was a pretty shady guy and that I could do better, but me(being a naive teen) ignored what they said about him because I was happy with my relationship. Honestly there was alot of red flags.
After 7 months of dating he dumped me because he just didnt love me anymore. We still worked together and he would still flirt with me. Suddenly a month later he wanted us to be together again. When ever we hung out he would just sit on his computer and not hang out with me and when it got late like 10pm he never made the effort to drop me off at home and I'd have to walk home. Even if it was raining or dark. He would also never make an effort to meet my parents.
At the 1 year mark things got a bit worst he would become easily jealous and yell at me saying I was sleeping with other guys. If a guy came up to us for directions or just to ask a question he would make a scene saying I knew the guy and that he was my secret lover. I've tried to convince him so many times that he was the only man I'll love and would never hurt him. One event that hurt me,even till this day, was when I had my younger baby sibling to this convention. Blop had a random fit and started yelling at me in front of everyone and my sibling saying how I need to dress more revealing. Then he also yelled at me saying that my narwhal costume was telling everyone I was honry.(in his mind any costume with a horn meant your DTF).
It was humiliating and in front of my baby sibling. After that I ended things with him and went on with my day. A week after we broke up he had broken into my house when I was not there, but unfortunately my family was. He made an excuse and told them he was looking for him book bag he left here. My Father had almost beaten his ass. Luckily no one got hurt but it scared all of my siblings.
3 months later he called me saying how much he missed me and wanted me back and I was dumb enough to get back with him. We hung out at his house and I learned that he was actually schizophrenic and that made me just accept all of his problems and say "oh it's ok he just need help " his friends and family didnt try to help him with his disability and i was left to take care of him on my own. I stopped hanging out with my family when I was taking care of him. There was a time where he had tried to rape me because he wanted to feel power. It never happed. I've tried to take him to the hospital so many times but he always left the hospital before he could get help. There was even times where he wouldn't sleep at all.
2 year mark I came to his house and found out he had taken his own life. I was honestly depressed and just felt like my life was over. I never had any friends so I thought he was the only person in my life that cared. I went through so many emotions and kept asking my self "did I not do enough?is it my fault?"
After his funeral one of his friends gave me a job. There I met the man of my life that makes me feel so happy everyday and and always loved. My family likes him and he does everything a great boyfriend should do.
I'm made this post just to share my experience of a toxic relationship. I am not bashing on Blop, and this is completely messed up but I am grateful he is out of my life because I would never have met my current love if all of this never happened.
Tl;dr if someone is in a toxic relationship, sometimes they dont know it.
submitted by trashaccount1234556 to u/trashaccount1234556 [link] [comments]


2019.06.04 00:24 puzzledbyitall Zellner’s Defense of the “Butcher of Bloomington”

Diana Thames, a/k/a the “Butcher of Bloomington,” is someone I think about when I hear boasts about Zellner’s “perfect” record and how she never represents defendants who are guilty. Understand, I don’t expect defense attorneys to never lose, nor do I think they should be criticized for representing guilty clients. Except, of course, when the attorney claims they never do.
This one sure sounds guilty. And Zellner definitely lost, eventually leaving Ms. Thames to fend for herself.
The facts are fairly straightforward, as summarized in a news story following the 2008 trial. Thames, of Bloomington, Ill., was accused of killing Cindy Wolosick, 46, a speech and language pathologist at a Palatine elementary school, who was found stabbed to death on Aug. 12, 2005, in the bedroom of her condo. She and Thames had been friends and partners in a home rehab business that was encountering financial problems. The story says:
Wolosick was found dead on the morning after she, Thames and two other women returned from a trip to Mexico. Thames had stayed the night at Wolosick's condo and called police at 5 a.m. to report that her friend was severely injured and needed an ambulance, according to trial evidence.
It seems that “severely injured” is a bit of an understatement. According to the story:
In explaining his verdict, [judge] Scotillo cited testimony from forensic experts who said evidence showed that the killer cleaned up the residence, trying to eliminate blood and fingerprints. The murder weapon, a large kitchen knife, was found in Wolosick's bed near her body. She had been stabbed and slashed more than 60 times.
Scotillo also cited evidence that Wolosick was killed relatively soon after she had eaten a fast-food meal and the testimony of neighbors who said they did not hear anyone enter the condo overnight but did hear the sound of running water.
Zellner argued -- you guessed it -- that the boyfriend did it. She also enlisted the aid of her old friend "science":
Zellner had introduced evidence that Thames suffered from carpal tunnel syndrome and argued that she was too weak to commit such a vicious attack.
Zellner also introduced testimony from forensic experts who said investigators failed to collect other evidence such as fingerprints from doors and other locations in the condo.
One defense expert questioned the reliability of tests used by evidence technicians to show that bloodstains had been erased.
Ah, yes, the clean up was too good. Or something.
In words that have become rather familiar, Zellner proclaimed, after the trial, "I don't think this is the end of the case at all." She predicted the case would be overturned on appeal, citing errors in the police investigation.
But it was not to be. The murder conviction was not overturned on appeal (which Zellner handled), nor when Thames subsequently filed her own pro se motion for post-conviction relief, in which she argued Zellner was ineffective:
Defendant alleged, inter alia, that trial counsel should have had the murder weapon and other items at the crime scene tested for DNA and fingerprints beyond the testing conducted by the State. Defendant further alleged that counsel failed to thoroughly investigate Peter Alfieri, Wolosick's exboyfriend, as a prime suspect in the case.
Our Zellner, ineffective?
Actually, the Court of Appeals determined it was part of Zellner’s strategy not to conduct some tests – because she thought it would be better for her client to criticize the cops for failing to conduct tests, than it would be to do her own. Fancy that.
The Court stated in its opinion denying the post-conviction motion:
The record shows that trial counsel's primary theory of defense in this case was that the crime scene was not properly processed and the forensic testing was not thoroughly completed, and therefore, the evidence failed to prove defendant guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. Counsel's decision to emphasize the lack of forensic testing in an attempt to portray the police investigation as insufficient was a matter of trial strategy. By arguing that it was possible that someone else, namely Peter Alfieri, could have committed the murder, and that no testing was done to exclude him as a suspect, counsel attempted to create reasonable doubt that would allow the trial court, sitting as the trier of fact, to find defendant not guilty.
But, but, . . .wasn’t Zellner interested in finding the truth, no matter where it led? Surely she didn’t think all along it was possible her client was guilty?
Note: As of today’s date, Ms. Thames remains in the custody of the Illinois Department of Corrections, eligible for parole on July 28, 2040.
submitted by puzzledbyitall to StevenAveryIsGuilty [link] [comments]


2019.04.25 19:40 sadgurl101 My spirit was stolen from me

I have had many relationships with guys and they all have let me down, caused me to lose more of whats even left of my broken self esteem. I have repressed memories and no collection of my childhood days, only some things. I was sexually abused by my moms dad, my grandfather. im 22 and nobody knows till this day. he passed away a year ago and my mom misses him dearly so how can I even tell her now when shes grieveing over her father? im afraid she will get angry and wont believe me.
other things that im sure affected me: - being forced to watch pornography - catching men staring at me at the ripe age of 5. - men telling me im beautiful and I should be a model since I was a kid but never being told im smart or anything else besides my outer appearance. - my narcissistic mother who mentally/sometimes physically abused me. - being told not to do certain things because its not “lady like” and men wont like me if I did as if thats what my existence is for. - being told by an ex that I should be a pornstar because “im so hot” - being with a guy that made me feel like less of a human being by always choosing pornography over me.
these are a handful of things I endured growing up but not all of them. I have so much hate in my heart. I honestly dont like men. my experiences tell me to not trust them and their all the same. I dont want to have a mindset of that. because even thou it might be rare, I know there are men out there who dont watch pornography and are genuinely good men.
I remember being a very sexual child. Ive realized now that when I masturbate I dont use it as enjoyment, I use it as a way to self-harm myself. when ive had sex with past partners, I can only get off to being dominated and talked down to and I hate it. it just makes me hate myself more after. I dont like that I have this. I dont even enjoy it, I think I just get off to it for some fucked up reason because I feel like im worthless and thats all im good for. im currenty going to try this thing called ‘nofap’ where you refrain from any sexual activity to yourself.
my last exboyfriend really fucked my head up, especially my self-esteem. he was a huge porn user and I promised Id never get with someone like that again. id rather stay single. i hate how society normalizes porn,it disgusts me. sometimes I feel suicidal and want to end it all. but im starting therapy for the first time next week and im hoping it will help me release and work thru all my emotional trauma.
submitted by sadgurl101 to offmychest [link] [comments]


What does ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend dreams mean ... Her famous ex-boyfriend is her new client  Clip from ... Boyfriend vs Ex-Boyfriend / Awkward Situations That ... A Conversation With My Ex- Girlfriend And Ex-Boyfriend ... Boyfriend vs Ex-Boyfriend / Awkward Situations That ... •my celebrity partner is my Ex-boyfriend!!•(part 2) [GLMM ...

Is Your Partner Over His or Her Ex? Past Relationships and ...

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Dreaming of your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend may show that you have unresolved feelings towards that person. Seeing an ex partner in a dream relates to the... Subscribe Here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC41GHsi-F40DiDT2DFAWW0w?sub_confirmation=1 22 Fun Challenges for Your Friends! Try to Repeat It Challenge! h... A bisexual man sits down with his ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend. Credits: https://www.buzzfeed.com/bfmp/videos/58973 Check out more awesome videos at BuzzFe... Stream the full movie on our app: http://bit.ly/acAPP Stream on the web: http://bit.ly/2LA3PcA Or watch on Amazon PrimeVideo: https://amzn.to/2Hb2wjY SUBSCRI... Subscribe Here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChkZElwBp90FQHJZwmhBPxA?sub_confirmation=1 Relatable Situations You've Definitely Been In / 17 Annoying Situ... if I have a wrong grammar I'm sorry I just too lazy to make this vid but I hope you like it