Diana Hayden partner

Prefect Patrol (January 12th)

2020.01.12 15:58 brieboone_potions Prefect Patrol (January 12th)

OOC: 5th year or higher Hufflepuffs and Slytherins, we currently have spots open for prefects. Anyone interested please message the mods.
As the time for evening rounds comes around, Headmistress Boone stands before all the prefects in the lounge, starting the meeting at 9pm sharp. The NPC Head Boy and Head Girl stand just off to her left with welcoming smiles on their faces. “Good evening everyone, and congratulations on being selected as your House Prefects. I’m sure most of you are familiar with each other for the most part, so there’s no need for long-winded introductions.”
“Since this is the first meeting of the term, and some of you are new to the position, I will go over Prefect guidelines and what is covered on each patrol route before we move on to assignments for the evening. The lists with the guidelines and route details will also be posted here in the lounge should anyone need to review them.”
Prefect Responsibilities;
  • Maintain an atmosphere of friendly cooperation, peace, discipline and unity at Hogwarts.
  • Escort new students of your house to their dormitories for the first time
  • Work as a team
  • Adhere to School Rules and Regulations at all times.
  • Maintain above average academic records.
  • Maintain excellent behavioral records.
  • Be respectful toward professors and staff, your peers, and the school environment.
  • Be punctual for your duties.
  • Be cooperative, helpful, well-mannered, trustworthy, and responsible. What NOT to do;
  • Prefects may not take points from houses other than their own. (Head Boy and Head Girl are granted an exception from this rule. Prefects MAY give detention to other students.)
  • Prefects may not take points from staff members.
  • Do NOT use magic, or threaten to use magic, against another student or against staff members unless in defense of yourself or another student, or when medically necessary. (i.e. Levitating an unconscious or injured person to the hospital wing) Note; A student “mouthing off” is not a situation where using magic as self-defense is acceptable.
  • Do NOT engage in physical altercations with other students or staff members.
After going through the list and answering any questions, the Headmistress moves on to the route overview.
Route 1; Dungeons/Basement
  • Slytherin Common Room
  • Hufflepuff Common Room
  • Kitchens
  • Boat House
Route 2; Grounds
  • Quidditch Pitch
  • Lake
  • Forest Edge (Prefects are not to enter the forest for any reason; If you see someone entering the forest while on patrol, shoot red sparks in the air and notify a teacher immediately.)
Route 3; Main, 1st, 2nd Floors
  • Main Entrance
  • Great Hall
  • Courtyard
  • Staff Lounge
  • Prefect’s Lounge
  • Hospital Wing
Route 4; 3rd, 4th, 5th Floors
  • Library
  • Trophy Room
  • Owlery
  • Ravenclaw Common Room
  • Prefect’s Bathroom
Route 5; 6th, 7th Floors, Astronomy Tower
  • Room of Requirement
  • Gryffindor Common Room
  • Astronomy Tower
Once again, the Headmistress pauses to answer any questions about the routes, and assigns patrol partners for the evening. After which, everyone is free to go out on their patrols.
“You will travel in pairs, for the benefit of other students, and for your own safety. Please do not separate from your partner unless absolutely necessary.” Boone says as the pairing list appears on the board. She steps to the side and waits as all the prefects pair up and head out, then leaves the prefect’s lounge, closing the door behind her.
  • Route 1: Head Boy & Head Girl (Mods)
  • Route 2: Charlotte Ollivander & Hayden Carlyle
  • Route 3: Diana Tully & Raven Blake
  • Route 4: Robyn Reid & Hufflepuff NPC
  • Route 5: Sixtus Dayne & Slytherin NPC
OOC: Prefects have 48 hours from this posting to comment in their assigned routes. If you are unable to do so(or if something IRL has come up), please let the mods know as soon as possible. Failure to post without letting the mods know will result in a strike.
(Also to everyone else; this thread is not just for prefects! Feel free to have your student out of bed after hours, causing mischief, give the prefects something to do. Just be aware they might face some IC consequences like detention or losing house points.)
submitted by brieboone_potions to PotterPlayRP [link] [comments]


2018.11.02 17:33 handcrankedandroid [ALL] The Super Diaz Bros' Last TV Supper

Max and Chloe don’t exist. They’re Peter Pan and Tinker Bell, the magical child and the manic pixie dream girl. Rachel is Max aged up, reborn and transformed in a ritual of fiery lust. Chloe is the Kewpie mayo, Max is the mustard and Rachel is the ketchup (or hawt sauce) to Frank’s Hawt Dawg Man. This is Brody’s backpack, courtesy of Kalikabanos Apparently, Mushroom is a “reused asset” from Max’s journal. Here’s the little angel Kate, sketching a noose on The Tree from the Overlook. The same tree that 16-year-old Chloe draws 18-year-old Max being hanged from, even though Max was 13 the last time they saw each other. Next up is Kate's diagram of quantum entanglement (maybe?), which looks like Brody’s hobo symbol for “get out quick”- two people escaping through a portal, or two spears penetrating an eyeball (pump the eyeball to get out of class early). The same Kate who drew a little one-eyed wolf wearing a bandolier, just like the bearry-blue Sky Pirate and his 3 foam bullets, just like Captain Bluebeard and her 3 bullet necklace. The same Kate who was saved from falling off Blackwell by Miracle Max the magical child, just like Chris was saved from falling off a ladder by Daniel. Confused yet?
Blackwell is full of artsy kids because they’re all fragments of Frank, the man who animated them. Kate has two classmates who like to sketch, Daniel DaCosta and Stella, and all 3 of them sit at the same table in the nightmare diner. Birds of a feather flock together. Sean and Max are sketch artists too, always outlining their surroundings. She fills her journal with sketches of the day’s events. The Diaz brothers are Kate’s little wolves. Chris is Frank’s inner child, powered by youthful creativity. Charles is Frank as a washed-up athlete in a Springsteen music video, reliving his glory days through the TV. William is Frank all cleaned up, the too-good-to-be-true sitcom dad. He's not content being Dorothy- he wants to be the Wicked Witch, the Wizard of Oz and all the characters in between.
Chris is a sponge, soaking up pop culture from a million different sources to lay the subliminal groundwork for future Frank’s fantasy world. Everything he consumes is thrown into the mental blender along with his own life story. Each time TV’s Frank pushes the button a new schizophrenic smoothie pops out- LiS, BtS, and LiS2- but that same great Frank flavor always rises to the top. Beaver Creek is a combination of Leave it to Beaver and Wolf Creek, Greg McLean’s horror film about Australian backpackers being hunted by a serial killer. When Mark Jefferson calls his class “pesky kids” and yells at Max for snooping around the Dark Room, he’s mimicking an unmasked Scooby Doo villain: “And I’d have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!” The scene shifts every time you switch the lens- Rachel sees her lying dad kissing his mistress. James sees himself saving Rachel from a bad influence. Chloe sees a corrupt politician giving an angel the kiss of death.
Red, yellow and blue: The primary colors are very popular with comic book colorists, movie poster makers and Chris Eriksen. USA and Pepsi Cola, Hulk Hogan and Mickey D’s. Combine all 3 and you get Superman, the ultimate superhero. Click the CS title screen and the words flip from mustard yellow to ketchup red. All the logos were hand-crafted by Chris, yellow on the front and red on the back. Sean kicks aside the red, yellow and blue toy truck- the one from Chris’ house- before sitting down with Lyla. Chris uses the blue and yellow Power Bear to recreate Bane breaking Batman’s back. Choosy Diazes choose Bane brand ketchup. You and I merely watch the television. Chris was born in it, molded by it. He’s Max Headroom inside the boob tube, a deer in the snow globe. He’s Eminem (M&M) dressed up as Robin, Franklin the (Teenage Mutant Ninja) Turtle wearing a Fistful of Dollars-style scrap iron vest as his turtle shell. His shirt represents all the characters inside of him, heroes and villains alike.

Got My Mind Hallucinatin’

All of Frank’s hallucinations are birthed from a little seed, something that catches his ear or strikes his eye. It worms its way into his subconscious, a gut feeling that grows and grows until it explodes outward like a psychedelic chestburster. When something irritating invades an oyster’s shell, the oyster will wrap it in many layers of calcium carbonate before finishing it off with an iridescent coating of nacre. The result is a pearl, a strange and wonderful little orb concealing something unpleasant. An alluring fantasy built around a kernel of truth.
Frank’s pearls consist of 3 main parts. The first is an irritant, like a family that reminds him of his own. He responds by smothering it- Frank murders the father and “liberates” the mothechild. As Daniel says, “The mom was nice, the dad was kind of a weenie.” The third piece is the shiny sugar-nacre coating. He reimagines his actions as a sweet and sour adventure in Francis’ Fantasia, the delicious outer layer of Willie’s Everlasting Gobstopper. The dead are resurrected into, in the words of Matt Groening, “a sort of weird, zombified ideal of the American family”. A beautiful lie to protect his own innocence. Sean tells Daniel they’re going on a grand adventure, James hides Sera from Rachel, and nobody knows what William was lying bout. Sean makes a game of it to see how far they can walk. It's reminiscent of Life is Beautiful, Roberto Benigni’s movie about a Jewish family sent to a concentration camp. The dad spares his son from the horror by convincing him that they're all competitors in a grand game to win a battle tank.
Video games train us to see the world as our piñata. Smash these urns, slash that grass, run over those pedestrians and be rewarded with a grab bag of goodies. Mario bashes blocks and all sorts of powerups and coins pop out. Magic Mushrooms to embiggen the body, Super Leaves for a flying raccoon suit and Fire Flowers to become his fire form. If he snags a Super Star, he becomes temporarily invincible. The gas station is where all the seeds from the woods come to fruition for the Diazes. They read warnings about bears and see claw marks on the trees, then encounter a gas station run by a Mama and Papa bear with a bunch of bear carvings. They find a bunch of crazy mushrooms and up pops Mushroom in a basket. They spot a raccoon and Shazam! there’s a raccoon suit for sale. If Sean checks his bag it’s full of leaves- Super Leaves.
Sean listens to “On the Flip of a Coin”, raids the coin jar and uses a rock to force open the money box at the park. As Daniel plays the Power Bear claw machine he says he’s gonna “beat this boss”. He wins a Minibear, a red plastic egg with a baby Power Bear inside. Like Poké Balls or Chloe’s snow globe collection, the Catcher in the Rye’s gotta catch ‘em all. Frank is Megaman going from boss to boss, collecting their “tiny tools” and leveling up with each conquest. When Daniel power bombs the bear boss, the Super Diaz Bros. are showered in loot. Daniel-Sean is the young bear come to take down the grizzled Hank Stamper. Daniel even calls his bedroom the Bear Lair.
It’s a Peter Pan plan in action, over and over: Frank breaks into a house, kills the father and steals the child. Pompidou, Mushroom, and Baby Rachel were all taken from the rich to give to the poor. When Samuel's waxing poetic about Rachel, he calls her a good egg: a baby dragon. In the drama lab dressing room, Mario’s mystery block is floating behind Chloe. Rachel asks if she brought her flowers. Later they set fire to The Tree together, and Chloe rescues some flowers from her trashcan. The rope from the fallen tire swing forms a question mark as she cracks open the viewfinder to collect its coin. Life needs a little mystery, Chloe.
Flip of the Coin recommends that Sean leave his fate in the hands of a coin flip. But the flip is rigged by you, deciding which fork he should take. Frank can feel your eye gazing down upon him, your hand tugging at the strings. He’s been a very bad boy, so he hides his naughtiness under the blanket. Thomas Bowdler was the man who censored Shakespeare, Big Willie himself. Disney is notorious for neutering their source material this way. Bowers has Bowdlerized his own life- not just to protect his inner child, but also for the home audience. Best freakin’ fighters forever.. That’s a dollar for the swear jar! That is, until the shit hits the fan and the f-bombs start dropping- right before a real bomb goes off. Fun fact: Some freakin' idiot edited a line in The Tempest from “Full fathom five thy father lies” to “Thy Daddy’s dead, thy Daddy’s dead”.

I Think I <3 You

Chris’ favorite book is a twist on Where the Wild Things Are, and references to it pop up everywhere. It’s about an angry young boy called Max who turns his own bedroom into a fantasy world to escape his parents. He tames the beasts within and becomes the King of the Wild Things. Swimmers are Otters, football players are Bigfoots, Rachel’s a dragon and Chloe’s a shark. Max becomes an otter in Chloe’s water, and there’s a graffiti shark eating an otter on the wall outside. When Chloe looks at Mr. Sharkie, she says, “Fun fact: shark babies eat their siblings in the womb. Maybe that's why I'm an only child?" The Tin Man frightens Dorothy with the threat of wild animals the same way Sean teases Daniel. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! What a big foot you have, Grandma!
Daniel is always trying to one-up Sean and wants every animal he sees to be his pet- including the dragon in the clouds. He wants to be King of the Wild Things. Chloe tells Rodney and Rachel that no flamethrower, no army of robot ninjas, not even a dragon on a leash could stand in her way. Rachel is Frank’s Fire Flower flamethrower, his baby dragon in a bottle- the spark that sets Arcadia Bay ablaze, the inferno that roasts Duurgaron, and the hellfire he unleashes against all the raging bulls of his own private nightmare. A sentient tool, like Max the human camera/time machine or Esteban the living compass. On Chris’ wall there’s a drawing of Power Bear punching out Chloe, a ninja riding Rachel, and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fighting Hawt Dawg Man.
The Caped Eyeball is the one-eyed monster (One-Eyed Willie), the All-Seeing Eye, the Bad Dad that must be defeated. Frank is a hotdog harvesting hero, Kate’s backpacking monkey misses his banana, Hayden’s stealing all the pencils, Rachel’s rewriting Big Willie’s script and Barb punches the “stupid man cow” right in the dick. This is neither a banana nor a cigar nor a Mario Bros. pipe. How many sexually suggestive symbols can you spot in this picture of a Penis Bear sheath? Note the red and blue “spears” pointing towards the portal.
Next to the pirate ship in the hospital, there’s a toy robot and 3 stuffed animals: Chris’ Henry, Max’s Captain, and Victoria’s baby lion- which also appears in William’s car when Chloe is apologizing for decapitating Rachel. Mikey leaves a drawing of a time-travelling robot (Max) riding a T-Rex (Rachel) in Drew’s room. There’s a letter asking him for help with a robot in his hospital room. The same toy robot appears next to Robot Rachel, transforming into a Destructicon with the power of love. From magical child to destroyer of worlds, the Wild Thing that makes Frank’s heart sing. Jimi Hendrix, dressed all in red and yellow, made national news by sacrificing his red Stratocaster at the end of a performance of Wild Thing. He dry humped it, he fisted it and he painted it with lighter fluid squirted out of a mustard yellow bottle (positioned at crotch level). Then he set fire to it and smashed the shit out of it. It wasn’t very subtle. Spoiler alert: Max’s guitar is a sexual organ.

Lisztomaniac

Lisztomania was the Beatlemania of the 1800s. Franz Liszt was a composer and virtuoso pianist touring Europe. Fans began swarming him, throwing their underwear on stage and clamoring for souvenirs. Coffee grounds and cigar stumps for vials and lockets, a piano string to make a bracelet- anything to give them a personal connection. This was well before the time of radio and TV, and celebrity worship of musicians was a novel idea. Lisztomania was considered a contagious medical condition.
To use Samuel’s analogy, Franz’s fans went after him like squirrels chasing food. Eliot stalking Chloe is a mirror of Samuel stalking Rachel. Hans Christian Andersen said an electric shock passed through the room when Liszt entered, and a ray of sunlight passed over every face. Eliot writes “when she left the room it was electric” and Samuel says Rachel was sunlight. Eveline Hańska said Liszt’s glassy eyes sparkled like cut diamonds lit by his wit. Samuel says Rachel is a prism and a dragon made of diamonds. Eliot says Chloe’s eyes flash bright like coins (Mario coins?)
Franz was the social equal of kings and queens. Rachel is Blackwell royalty. When he skipped out on a lover in the middle of the night, she broke all the furniture in their hotel room. Like Daniel wrecking the Three Seals room, or Chloe smashing up the Junkyard, or Chloe throwing a fit when she finds the pictures of Rachel and Frank. Doctors tried to immunize people against Lisztomania, so Max says fuck you to the flu shot.
Lyla creeps up behind Sean as the boy on the bus listening to Phoenix’s Lisztomania walks away. Her bookbag straps are covered in little bombs, like the album cover. Manic pixie dream girls are a popular fantasy- the quirky girl that seems to exist solely to break the awkward male lead out of his shell. Chloe takes Max from chickenshit to Everyday Hero and Lyla is Sean’s personal love witch. She’s the devil feeding his obsession with Jenna, the way Victoria fuels Nathan's destructive desire for Rachel.
Figurines, avatars and people are all fungible to Frank. Almost everyone in LiS2 has a hard shell of unmoving hair, like a Ken doll. But Lyla has a headful of snakes that jiggle back and forth with every twitch of her head. There are two other people with living hair: Doris Stamper and post-accident Daniel. The movement is downright unnatural at times, glitching out like Officer Matthews' dashcam, or Sean's souvenirs.. or Max Headroom. Hair is a fixation for several serial killers. Frank from Maniac scalps women to bring his mannequins to life, Quentin weaves Squirrel’s pigtail into a bracelet, and George from The Lovely Bones keeps a bit of his victim’s hair in his secret serial killer sketchbook. The most treasured trophy a Franz Liszt superfan could receive was a lock of his hair. He received so many requests that he bought a dog to send people clippings of dog hair in lieu of his own.

Lyla Versus Powerman

There’s a lot of other weirdness surrounding Lyla. Her name sounds like the deflating lilo from Spanish Sahara, and she could be an aged-up Ayla from Can Ulkay's Ayla: Daughter of War. It's about a little Korean girl who's adopted by a Turkish soldier after her entire village is massacred- Frank's kind of story. There's also a horror movie called Ayla, about a 4-year-old sister brought back to life as an adult woman 30 years later. There’s a fuzzy red ball attached to her backpack, like a moogle’s pompom. Moogles are teddy bear fairies from Final Fantasy that speak in electronic squeaks. Every so often there’s a synthesized chirp in the background while Lyla chats with Daniel. Even stranger, someone keeps revving up a chain saw. Before Sean enters the gas station, he finds an advertisement for an Ash-82 posted by Sam R.
It's a reference to Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead, the first movie to star Ash Williams- who Frank has blended in his mind with Ash Ketchum, the star of Pokémon. Chloe’s tape recorder, Daniel’s fear of the trees and Daemon Merrick’s fire pokér incident can all be traced to scenes from Evil Dead. In Evil Dead 2 Ash cuts off his possessed right hand and replaces it with a chainsaw, like Hook’s hook or Barb’s ripper fist. He eventually upgrades the chainsaw to a Power Glove. It’s a robotic claw, and before that it was a Nintendo accessory. Combining the two gives us the Power Bear claw machine.
There’s a circular saw in Esteban’s garage, and while he’s down there Lyla will text Sean threatening to take his hot dad. Father and son can discuss Sean’s essay on Slaughterhouse-Five. Remember Mikey’s Slaughter-Maze of Duurgaron? Remember in The Shining, when an axe-wielding Jack chases Danny around the maze? The last thing Sean says before going inside is “Hello, Friday night”, perhaps a reference to the gender-swapping villain of Friday the 13th. In Army of Darkness, Ash travels back to the Middle Ages, where he envisions himself as a king blowing away witches with his “boom stick”: a 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. Chloe helps Rose by fetching her broomstick, and dresses up as a witch for Halloween. First Samuel sweeps, and then he paints. The chainsaw is Sean’s brum-brumstick, and he cleans house with the help of Lyla the Love Witch. Sean is the barbarian slashing, stabbing and bashing his way through hordes of dragonkins. Lyla and Daniel are the mages, terrorizing them with fire and ice, lightning and acid.
In Luc Besson’s Léon: The Professional, a corrupt cop named Norman Stansfield doubles as the Big Bad Wolf. He looooves blasting Beethoven and popping pills before hunting little piggies with his shotgun. Léon is a professional “cleaner”, a supernaturally talented hitman who single-handedly blows away teams of bodyguards. He’s strictly a lone wolf, with only a houseplant for companionship- like Louis Bloom or Max’s Lisa- until he meets little Mathilda. When Norman murders her family Léon takes the girl under his wing. As he teaches her how to be a hitman- his partner in crime- he slowly becomes the Woodcutter to her Red Riding Hood. Mathilda even wears a red beanie to match his grey one. Chloe says to Rachel, “I’m the lone wolf, you’re Little Red Riding Hood.” When the Big Bad comes to blow their apartment down with rocket-propelled grenades, Léon hacks open an escape route for her with his axe: The Woodcutter cutting Red out of the Wolf’s belly. Fun fact: In Pulp Fiction, the Wolf is a different sort of cleaner- he cleans up other people’s mistakes, erasing all the bloody evidence.
Now, imagine for a moment that there is no Norman, and Léon isn’t such an amazing badass. He fantasizes about killing trained gunmen while he's slaughtering unarmed women and children in their homes. Fine and dandy when he’s blasted out of his mind- but when the buzz wears off and he sees a little girl return from the grocery store to find her dead family, it’s a rude awakening. So the Big Bad Wolf reluctantly becomes the Woodcutter. At the end Léon suicide bombs Norman and Mathilda goes back to being a schoolgirl. She’s the one telling his story, but she never actually saw who murdered her family. Frank is recreating this, and the noble sacrifice is his ultimate fantasy. Barb impaled on Duurgaron’s blade as she smashes his bracer, Chloe taking a bullet for the Bay, Jesus dying for our sins. Chloe’s sacrifice is her superhero ending.
Frank prepares to “jugulate” the Diazes with Phoenix’s Lisztomania, a song about a broken-hearted boy whose first love turned him into a wolf. For Rachel, it’s Broods’ Taking You There: “In the dead of night I'll meet you in my sleep, and in the morning light you'll wake up next to me.” The camera tracks Rachel and Chloe from the strangest angles: Frank’s POV as he stalks them from the bushes. He listens to Syd Matters’ To All of You, a song comparing American girls to dolls, before following Chloe into the girl’s room. Each time Frank descends into Hell as a devil and comes back up an angel. Reborn from the ashes like a phoenix, with a new face and a new Beanie Baby at his side. Chloe is the Corpse Bride of Frankenstein.

Talkin’ Chainsaws

The unidentified electronic twang from Lyla’s conversation also evokes Terry Cashman’s baseball song Willie, Mickey and the Duke, which has a similar sound effect when Terry time warps to the 1980s. There are many references to baseball: The glass lens, Frank’s cap, Brett and Frank’s tees, Chris’ baseball cards and Chloe’s bat. Harry Aaron Prescott is Sean Prescott’s father, and Hank Stamper is the bearish father figure that Sean must defeat. They’re both nicknames for Henry- as in Hammerin’ Hank Aaron, the man who broke Babe Ruth’s home run record. Chloe hammers the vending machine until it gives up its Baby Ruth. Chris’ teddy bear Henry is a chip off the old block. Most important of all is the ball and glove from Sean’s sketchbook. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre features Leatherface, a chainsaw wielding fellow who wears a home-made skin mask inspired by Ed Gein. It makes his head look like the unholy love child of an oversized baseball and its glove. Together, Lyla and Sean are Lilo and Stitch.
Bringing this insane mashup full circle is Fun and Fancy Free, a Disney double feature narrated in live-action sequences. The second half stars Mickey, Donald and Goofy as 3 peasants who face off vs Willie, a magical giant with the powers of flight, invisibility and shapeshifting. Willie the giant is the god-like father figure and Mickey is the rebellious young buck who slays him, like Mickey Knox. Except Willie resurrects at the end of the movie, escaping the cartoon and tearing the roof off the narrator’s house: William jumping out of Chloe’s dreams and into her truck. He’s Chloe’s dark passenger, à la Dexter Morgan: the childhood trauma driving her to kill.
To follow Frank’s train of thought, you have to let your mind flow in an abstract stream of consciousness, each idea merging into the next. He takes Bruce Lee’s words to heart- “Be formless, like water.” Willie, Mickey and the Duke begins “The Whiz Kids had won it”- to Frank, that’s Sidney Lumet’s The Wiz with Diana Ross as Dorothy and Michael Jackson as The Scarecrow. Hence the wizard teddy in Mikey’s room. Willie Mays could be the greatest five-tool baseball player of all time. Frank uses his father’s toolbox to do his work- Torches and icepicks and chainsaws, oh my! Mays shares his birth year and the year of his MLB debut with Mickey Mantle, possibly the greatest switch hitter of all time. Switch hitting, ambidexterity, gender fluidity and shapeshifting- the essence of Frank.
The Duke was a triple threat, excelling at baseball, basketball and football- perhaps why the Eriksens are a basketball family and the Norths are a football family. There’s a baseball movie called Major League where the players have recycled names like Willie Mays Hayes and The Duke. Charlie Sheen is “Wild Thing”, who becomes a star pitcher after getting glasses. Cashman’s song also has a line about Yogi Berra- the inspiration for Yogi Bear- reading the comics all the while. Daniel is Boo-Boo, Yogi’s baby bear sidekick. “Hey hey, Boo-Boo” becomes a text from Lyla calling Daniel her boo, and “We must not forget ze booze!”- that is, the boos.
The first half of Fun and Fancy Free is Bongo the bear’s coming of age tale as he battles Lumpjaw for Lulubelle’s paw. Bongo, of course, is the name of Chloe’s dead cat-not-really-a-cat. Hank Stamper is Lumpjaw. Jiminy Cricket is playing the story on a record player next to a doll (Lulu) and a teddy bear (Bongo). Bongo’s primary weapon is his unicycle, which he uses like a buzzsaw vs Lumpjaw’s vicious claws and giant tree cudgel. Chris plays his angelic mother’s old record when he wants to hear Moon and Moon. The singer is a huntress searching for a bear to lick her clean, a husband to come shoot the big bad hand that’s pushing her down. It seems Papa Power Bear put Baby in the corner.

Travis Keaton

Arthur Miller, the Trinity Killer from Dexter, has a predictable cycle. First he finds a 10-year-old boy and lures him to a hidden location. He pretends to be a cop to gain his trust. He makes the boy dress up in PJs and calls him Arthur as they play trains together. Then he feeds him special ice cream and buries the sleeping boy alive in cement. Arthur is Peter Panning himself, preserving his own innocence before “the accident”.
Next he finds a young woman like his sister Vera. He forces her into a bathtub with him, “hugging” her from behind as he slices an artery in her leg. He uses a hand mirror to watch her face as she bleeds out, then cleanses himself in a scalding hot shower. When Arthur was 10, he peeped on Vera in the shower. She saw his face in the mirror and slipped, crashing into the shower doors. A shard of glass cut her leg and she bled to death. Arthur lost his sister and his childhood innocence on the same day: Chloe losing William and Max back to back.
The third actor is a mother of two. He takes her up to a rooftop and orders her to jump. If she refuses he threatens her children. Arthur’s mother Marsha jumped off a bridge after Vera’s death. The final victim is an older man, preferably an alcoholic. Sometimes he splits this part between two men. He picks a fight with the first, allowing “Henry” to beat him down. Later he returns to bludgeon Henry with a hammer: Hammerin’ Hank. Henry blamed Arthur for Marsha and Vera’s deaths, making his life hell until Arthur got big enough to silence him. Charles blames Chris for Emily’s death and Chris clearly wants to kill him- he shoots Charles’ head, roasts his reflection and blows up his snow effigy. Chloe fantasizes about murdering David as she looks for his wrench. Esteban is in a very vulnerable position when “Sean” enters the garage- he can’t see who came in. When Brett picks a fight with Sean, he’s already covered in bloody hand prints.
Consider Jefferson’s master plan. First he takes photos of Kate “sleeping” like an angel- preserving her innocence on film. He releases the video of her corruption, encouraging other students to bully her. Jefferson acts like an older brother or a cool uncle, and he grooms Kate to see him as a father figure. When she comes to him for support he blames her and says she’s just looking for attention. If Max is sympathetic, he says Kate doth protest too much- basically calling her a slut. Innocent Kate is little Mark, and corrupted Kate is his mom jumping to her doom. If Jefferson and the Trinity Killer ever met, they’d be BFF.

Team Killer

Let me tell you about the other TK that Frank idolizes- Ted Kaczynski, the brilliant mathematician who tried to turn back the clock on civilization and rewind us to our hunter-gatherer roots. As a child he was temporarily quarantined in an isolation facility, leading him to empathize with caged animals. After scoring 167 on an IQ test he was skipped ahead to the 6th grade. Overnight he went from being a leader among his peers to an easy target for bullies. At 16 he got into Harvard on a scholarship, before he even got his driver’s license.
Ted lived in a residence at 8 Prescott St. before moving into the Eliot House dorms. At Harvard he was tricked into participating in a psychological study conducted by Henry Murray, who was rumored to be conducting studies as part of Project MKUltra- the CIA's attempt to create a mind control program through drugs, hypnosis, torture, sensory deprivation, and the sexual abuse of children. You can read about it on the CIA’s website. Ted was required to write essays about his hopes and beliefs, which were handed over to a man paid to bully and humiliate him. The sessions were filmed and the subjects were made to watch their own reactions to the abuse ad nauseam. This happened every week for 3 years.
In Ted’s mid-20s, his social isolation and sexual repression began to take its toll. The sounds of people having sex drove him crazy, and he believed his landlord was turning the other tenants against him. He dreamt of psychologists trying to control his mind and popping back up if he killed them. He went to see a psychiatrist planning to discuss a sex change operation. Ted didn’t identify as a woman, he just thought it was the only way he’d ever get to touch one. After a brief career in academia, he abruptly retired and retreated to a cabin in the woods. He planned to live with as little contact with society as possible, aside from occasionally biking to the library. When developers began to destroy the woods around his cabin, he decided that conflict was inevitable.
When Kaczynski’s mail bombs first started showing up, he was nicknamed the “Junkyard Bomber” because they were all made from readily available scrap. The first was a pipe bomb with wooden plugs inside a handmade wooden box. When opened, a trigger would strike the matches and ignite the bomb. He often included bits of bark, and two of his targets were named Wood. His final bomb killed a lobbyist for Big Timber. Ted worked alone- obviously- but he included little messages between imaginary co-conspirators to throw off investigators. He inscribed his bombs with the initials FC, for Freedom Club. His manifesto never refers to himself in the singular, always we or FC. It’s like he saw himself as a superhero in the Justice League. His nickname was changed to the Unabomber because he targeted universities and airplanes, including a bomb in the cargo hold of American Airlines Flight 444
Warren is the Unabomber. At 16, he’s quite gifted and one of the youngest students at Blackwell. He fights with Nathan Prescott, the typical rich bully riding his Dad’s coattails, and is friends with Eliot: 8 Prescott St. and Eliot House. Eliot’s dorm is almost as woody as Rachel's house, and he argues with Warren about Ed Wood. 44 Cedar St. isn’t just referring to Child 44 and Zombie- it’s a layered reference to Flight 444 and TK’s obsession with wood. Eliot sketched the rocket that appears on Daniel’s t-shirt. The psychic bomber built Sean’s rocket out of a used toilet roll, duct tape and matchsticks. Lyla the love bomber hates airplanes.
Max has to respond to Warren’s text before he blows up her phone. He teaches her to build a pipe bomb from odds and ends lying around the school so she can break into Principal Wells’ office. It’s revenge against the ivory tower father figure who let his cries for help fall upon deaf ears, like when Max tried to report Nathan’s gun. They’re blowing open a doorway into Wells’ mind- making him listen- the same way Chris blows up his ciggy butt snowfather with an exploding “cigar”. The Junkyard is everyone’s secret hideout, a natural location for the Junkyard Bomber and his Freedom Club. Chloe wishes the whole town would get nuked, and if you let the storm wipe it out nature will reclaim Arcadia Bay.

Munchkin Murder

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” is the lyric from Beautiful Boy that Jefferson likes to quote. It’s a song John Lennon wrote to comfort his son Sean after a nightmare. Lennon was a great artist but a terrible person in a lot of ways, including beating women and abandoning his first son, Julian. Mark David Chapman was a Beatles megafan with a troubled childhood. His father abused his mother, his mother constantly told him he was destined for greatness, and the children at school bullied him. He described his mom as “right out of Glass Menagerie”- the Tennessee Williams’ play on Rachel’s board o’ inspirations. Like Max in Where the Wild Things Are, he made a fantasy world inside his room, with a town of people that lived in the walls and worshipped King Mark. When he was happy they went about their daily jobs, and he gave them Beatles concerts put on by toy soldiers on a cardboard stage. When he was angry he smashed the town and murdered little people by the thousands.
After hitting puberty, his fantasy changed to having a secret dungeon in the basement of his school filled with women that he touched but didn’t have sex with. On the plane Max learns that none of Jefferson’s victims were physically or sexually assaulted. At 12 a little girl he’d decided was his one true love broke his heart, and he obsessed over her for the rest of his life. Years after Max left the Bay, Chloe is still writing her angry journal entries (but ready to take her back in a heartbeat). At 14 he started using drugs and ran away from home, living on the streets for a couple of weeks. After one hell of an acid trip he thought he’d become John Lennon. At 16 he discovered Holden, the Catcher in the Rye. His favorite movie was Wizard of Oz and he also identified with Dorothy. As an adult he became a very popular summer camp counselor. The kids called him Nemo, after Captain Nemo from Jules Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Chris has a Nemo submarine in his bathtub. Mark also worked briefly as a security guard.
Mark became a born-again Christian in 1970, four years after John Lennon declared the Beatles were more popular than Jesus. The comment stuck with him for the next 10 years. His mental health ebbed and flowed, alternately attempting suicide and trying to reenact Verne’s Around the World in 80 Days. The “little people” returned to Chapman’s head and he developed a persecution complex. He tried to change his name to Holden Caulfield and became fixated on saving kids from falling off the cliff of phoniness.
The breaking point came when he found a book full of photographs of John Lennon showing off his wealth- the height of hypocrisy for the man who penned Imagine. Mark started stripping naked, playing Beatles records and begging Satan to lend him his power. In 1980 he flew to New York to stop John Lennon from leading any more children to their doom. He hired a prostitute and gave her a massage instead of having sex with her, mirroring Holden’s experience. He left a little shrine on the hotel dresser with mementos from his life, including a postcard of Dorothy wiping away a tear from the Cowardly Lion. Before shooting Lennon Mark bought another copy of Catcher in the Rye, believing that afterwards he would curl up into a ball and vanish into the pages of the book. In his statement to the police, he said he was split in two parts. The big part was Holden Caulfield, and the small part- his child self- was the Devil, urging him to kill.

Dancing in the Dark

This is Donnie Darko, his little sister Samantha and her stuffed unicorn Ariel. They’re chilling in a motel room watching TV because their home was wrecked in a freak accident: a red and white spiraled jet engine landed directly on Donnie's room. The funny thing is, there was no plane flying overhead. Donnie narrowly avoided being crushed because a man in a giant rabbit suit named Frank told him to wake up and walk outside.
Frank starts paying Donnie nightly visits because he stopped taking his medications. The last time Donnie was unmedicated, he started setting buildings on fire. At night he becomes a sleepwalking zombie, taking his marching orders from Frank. The night that he escapes the jet engine Donnie sleepwalks out to a golf course where Frank tells him the world will end in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes and 12 seconds. He wakes up with a black marker in his hand and 28:06:42:12 on his arm- the same way Chloe wakes up with words like “Nevermore” written on her palm. The same way the insomniac Lyla uses Sean as her human post-it note. She tells Sean he’ll see more of her skills if he falls asleep first. Frank uses Donnie like Dr. Caligari uses Cesare. Every time Frank tells him to “wake up”, Donnie activates and does his bidding. Before Chloe burns down The Tree with Rachel, her dream graffiti options are “wake up” or “wake up”. The episode is titled Awake.
Donnie’s hallucinations are seeded just like Frank Bowers'. The mysterious jet engine was spawned from the roar of planes flying overhead as he waits for the school bus. You can hear the planes as Lyla walks Sean home from the bus. As she points one out the power line bisects the screen, mirroring the moment when Sean considers calling her back. It also hints at a split personality. In the Title Screen there are two porch umbrellas outside Sean’s house, a grey one on top of a green one. In game there is only the green one. Samantha writes a little story about Ariel leading a prince into a magical world. Frank is a twisted Ariel, Donnie’s White Rabbit leading him into Wonderland. Donnie's girlfriend says his name sounds made up, like a superhero. To change into his costume he simply flips up his hoodie, no telephone booth required.
Donnie’s science teacher is a hip young professor called Kenneth Monnitoff. It’s never explained why a professor is teaching at a high school. He tells Donnie that, in theory, a metal spacecraft flying faster than the speed of light could pass through a wormhole to travel back in time. In fact, any metal craft will do- a DeLorean, an airplane or a one-eyed rocket. When Max rewinds her broken camera in Jefferson’s class, she declares herself a human time machine. Her sketchbook has a drawing of a rather phallic looking rocket, with an arrow pointing to the cap that says “me”. Next to it stands a little character that looks like a cross between Frank the rabbit and Max from Wild Things. Both the squirrel in the woods and the demon Mushroom that Daniel is playing with in the motel look like they’re morphing into Frank- who, by the way, is one-eyed underneath the suit. The giant Wild Thing is a baby chick powered up- a magical child wielding its awesome powers on Frank’s behalf.
There’s another teacher at Donnie’s school named Kitty Farmer. She’s the coach of Sparkle Motion, the junior dance squad that Samantha belongs to. Kitty worships Jim Cunningham, a local self-help author and motivational speaker. He runs a talent show that leads to Sparkle Motion being selected to fly out to LA to perform on Ed McMahon’s Star Search. It’s very similar to the setup where Jefferson selects an Everyday Hero to go to San Francisco. Jim Cunningham has a secret “kiddie porn dungeon” in his home, and the implication is that Kitty is grooming children for him: Kitty Farmer is a Kiddie Farmer. Donnie is watching a double feature of The Evil Dead and Martin Scorsese’s The Last Temptation of Christ when Frank opens a portal in the movie screen for him, showing him Jim Cunningham’s house and instructing him to burn it down. Donnie commits several attacks inspired by The Last Temptation- he sees himself as Jesus and Jim Cunningham (JC) as the Antichrist. Sadly, that’s a story for Part V.
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2018.11.02 02:54 handcrankedandroid The Super Smash Bros.' Last TV Supper

Max and Chloe don’t exist. They’re Peter Pan and Tinker Bell, the magical child and the manic pixie dream girl. Rachel is Max aged up, reborn and transformed in a ritual of fiery lust. Chloe is the Kewpie mayo, Max is the mustard and Rachel is the ketchup (or hawt sauce) to Frank’s Hawt Dawg Man. This is Brody’s backpack, courtesy of Kalikabanos Apparently, Mushroom is a “reused asset” from Max’s journal. Here’s the little angel Kate, sketching a noose on the The Tree from the Overlook. The same tree that 16-year-old Chloe draws 18-year-old Max being hanged from, even though Max was 13 the last time they saw each other. Next up is Kate's diagram of quantum entanglement (maybe?), which looks like Brody’s hobo symbol for “get out quick”- two people escaping through a portal, or two spears penetrating an eyeball (pump the eyeball to get out of class early). The same Kate who drew a little one-eyed wolf wearing a bandolier, just like the bearry-blue Sky Pirate and his 3 foam bullets, just like Captain Bluebeard and her 3 bullet necklace. The same Kate who was saved from falling off Blackwell by Miracle Max the magical child, just like Chris was saved from falling off a ladder by Daniel. Confused yet?
Blackwell is full of artsy kids because they’re all fragments of Frank, the man who animated them. Kate has two classmates who like to sketch, Daniel DaCosta and Stella, and all 3 of them sit at the same table in the nightmare diner. Birds of a feather flock together. Sean and Max are sketch artists too, always outlining their surroundings. She fills her journal with sketches of the day’s events. The Diaz brothers are Kate’s little wolves. Chris is Frank’s inner child, powered by youthful creativity. Charles is Frank as a washed-up athlete in a Springsteen music video, reliving his glory days through the TV. William is Frank all cleaned up, the too-good-to-be-true sitcom dad. He's not content being Dorothy- he wants to be the Wicked Witch, the Wizard of Oz and all the characters in between.
Chris is a sponge, soaking up pop culture from a million different sources to lay the subliminal groundwork for future Frank’s fantasy world. Everything he consumes is thrown into the mental blender along with his own life story. Each time TV’s Frank pushes the button a new schizophrenic smoothie pops out- LiS, BtS, and LiS2- but that same great Frank flavor always rises to the top. Beaver Creek is a combination of Leave it to Beaver and Wolf Creek, Greg McLean’s horror film about Australian backpackers being hunted by a serial killer. When Mark Jefferson calls his class “pesky kids” and yells at Max for snooping around the Dark Room, he’s mimicking an unmasked Scooby Doo villain: “And I’d have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!” The scene shifts every time you switch the lens- Rachel sees her lying dad kissing his mistress. James sees himself saving Rachel from a bad influence. Chloe sees a corrupt politician giving an angel the kiss of death.
Red, yellow and blue: The primary colors are very popular with comic book colorists, movie poster makers and Chris Eriksen. USA and Pepsi Cola, Hulk Hogan and Mickey D’s. Combine all 3 and you get Superman, the ultimate superhero. Click the CS title screen and the words flip from mustard yellow to ketchup red. All the logos were hand-crafted by Chris, yellow on the front and red on the back. Sean kicks aside the red, yellow and blue toy truck- the one from Chris’ house- before sitting down with Lyla. Chris uses the blue and yellow Power Bear to recreate Bane breaking Batman’s back. Choosy Diazes choose Bane brand ketchup. You and I merely watch the television. Chris was born in it, molded by it. He’s Max Headroom inside the boob tube, a deer in the snow globe. He’s Eminem (M&M) dressed up as Robin, Franklin the (Teenage Mutant Ninja) Turtle wearing a Fistful of Dollars-style scrap iron vest as his turtle shell. His shirt represents all the characters inside of him, heroes and villains alike.

Got My Mind Hallucinatin’

All of Frank’s hallucinations are birthed from a little seed, something that catches his ear or strikes his eye. It worms its way into his subconscious, a gut feeling that grows and grows until it explodes outward like a psychedelic chestburster. When something irritating invades an oyster’s shell, the oyster will wrap it in many layers of calcium carbonate before finishing it off with an iridescent coating of nacre. The result is a pearl, a strange and wonderful little orb concealing something unpleasant. An alluring fantasy built around a kernel of truth.
Frank’s pearls consist of 3 main parts. The first is an irritant, like a family that reminds him of his own. He responds by smothering it- Frank murders the father and “liberates” the mothechild. As Daniel says, “The mom was nice, the dad was kind of a weenie.” The third piece is the shiny sugar-nacre coating. He reimagines his actions as a sweet and sour adventure in Francis’ Fantasia, the delicious outer layer of Willie’s Everlasting Gobstopper. The dead are resurrected into, in the words of Matt Groening, “a sort of weird, zombified ideal of the American family”. A beautiful lie to protect his own innocence. Sean tells Daniel they’re going on a grand adventure, James hides Sera from Rachel, and nobody knows what William was lying bout. Sean makes a game of it to see how far they can walk. It's reminiscent of Life is Beautiful, Roberto Benigni’s movie about a Jewish family sent to a concentration camp. The dad spares his son from the horror by convincing him that they're all competitors in a grand game to win a battle tank.
Video games train us to see the world as our piñata. Smash these urns, slash that grass, run over those pedestrians and be rewarded with a grab bag of goodies. Mario bashes blocks and all sorts of powerups and coins pop out. Magic Mushrooms to embiggen the body, Super Leaves for a flying raccoon suit and Fire Flowers to become his fire form. If he snags a Super Star, he becomes temporarily invincible. The gas station is where all the seeds from the woods come to fruition for the Diazes. They read warnings about bears and see claw marks on the trees, then encounter a gas station run by a Mama and Papa bear with a bunch of bear carvings. They find a bunch of crazy mushrooms and up pops Mushroom in a basket. They spot a raccoon and Shazam! there’s a raccoon suit for sale. If Sean checks his bag it’s full of leaves- Super Leaves.
Sean listens to “On the Flip of a Coin”, raids the coin jar and uses a rock to force open the money box at the park. As Daniel plays the Power Bear claw machine he says he’s gonna “beat this boss”. He wins a Minibear, a red plastic egg with a baby Power Bear inside. Like Poké Balls or Chloe’s snow globe collection, the Catcher in the Rye’s gotta catch ‘em all. Frank is Megaman going from boss to boss, collecting their “tiny tools” and leveling up with each conquest. When Daniel power bombs the bear boss, the Super Diaz Bros. are showered in loot. Daniel-Sean is the young bear come to take down the grizzled Hank Stamper. Daniel even calls his bedroom the Bear Lair.
It’s a Peter Pan plan in action, over and over: Frank breaks into a house, kills the father and steals the child. Pompidou, Mushroom, and Baby Rachel were all taken from the rich to give to the poor. When Samuel's waxing poetic about Rachel, he calls her a good egg: a baby dragon. In the drama lab dressing room, Mario’s mystery block is floating behind Chloe. Rachel asks if she brought her flowers. Later they set fire to The Tree together, and Chloe rescues some flowers from her trashcan. The rope from the fallen tire swing forms a question mark as she cracks open the viewfinder to collect its coin. Life needs a little mystery, Chloe.
Flip of the Coin recommends that Sean leave his fate in the hands of a coin flip. But the flip is rigged by you, deciding which fork he should take. Frank can feel your eye gazing down upon him, your hand tugging at the strings. He’s been a very bad boy, so he hides his naughtiness under the blanket. Thomas Bowdler was the man who censored Shakespeare, Big Willie himself. Disney is notorious for neutering their source material this way. Bowers has Bowdlerized his own life- not just to protect his inner child, but also for the home audience. Best freakin’ fighters forever.. That’s a dollar for the swear jar! That is, until the shit hits the fan and the f-bombs start dropping- right before a real bomb goes off. Fun fact: Some freakin' idiot edited a line in The Tempest from “Full fathom five thy father lies” to “Thy Daddy’s dead, thy Daddy’s dead”.

I Think I <3 You

Chris’ favorite book is a twist on Where the Wild Things Are, and references to it pop up everywhere. It’s about an angry young boy called Max who turns his own bedroom into a fantasy world to escape his parents. He tames the beasts within and becomes the King of the Wild Things. Swimmers are Otters, football players are Bigfoots, Rachel’s a dragon and Chloe’s a shark. Max becomes an otter in Chloe’s water, and there’s a graffiti shark eating an otter on the wall outside. When Chloe looks at Mr. Sharkie, she says, “Fun fact: shark babies eat their siblings in the womb. Maybe that's why I'm an only child?" The Tin Man frightens Dorothy with the threat of wild animals the same way Sean teases Daniel. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! What a big foot you have, Grandma!
Daniel is always trying to one-up Sean and wants every animal he sees to be his pet- including the dragon in the clouds. He wants to be King of the Wild Things. Chloe tells Rodney and Rachel that no flamethrower, no army of robot ninjas, not even a dragon on a leash could stand in her way. Rachel is Frank’s Fire Flower flamethrower, his baby dragon in a bottle- the spark that sets Arcadia Bay ablaze, the inferno that roasts Duurgaron, and the hellfire he unleashes against all the raging bulls of his own private nightmare. A sentient tool, like Max the human camera/time machine or Esteban the living compass. On Chris’ wall there’s a drawing of Power Bear punching out Chloe, a ninja riding Rachel, and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fighting Hawt Dawg Man.
The Caped Eyeball is the one-eyed monster (One-Eyed Willie), the All-Seeing Eye, the Bad Dad that must be defeated. Frank is a hotdog harvesting hero, Kate’s backpacking monkey misses his banana, Hayden’s stealing all the pencils, Rachel’s rewriting Big Willie’s script and Barb punches the “stupid man cow” right in the dick. This is neither a banana nor a cigar nor a Mario Bros. pipe. How many sexually suggestive symbols can you spot in this picture of a Penis Bear sheath? Note the red and blue “spears” pointing towards the portal.
Next to the pirate ship in the hospital, there’s a toy robot and 3 stuffed animals: Chris’ Henry, Max’s Captain, and Victoria’s baby lion- which also appears in William’s car when Chloe is apologizing for decapitating Rachel. Mikey leaves a drawing of a time-travelling robot (Max) riding a T-Rex (Rachel) in Drew’s room. There’s a letter asking him for help with a robot in his hospital room. The same toy robot appears next to Robot Rachel, transforming into a Destructicon with the power of love. From magical child to destroyer of worlds, the Wild Thing that makes Frank’s heart sing. Jimi Hendrix, dressed all in red and yellow, made national news by sacrificing his red Stratocaster at the end of a performance of Wild Thing. He dry humped it, he fisted it and he painted it with lighter fluid squirted out of a mustard yellow bottle (positioned at crotch level). Then he set fire to it and smashed the shit out of it. It wasn’t very subtle. Spoiler alert: Max’s guitar is a sexual organ.

Lisztomaniac

Lisztomania was the Beatlemania of the 1800s. Franz Liszt was a composer and virtuoso pianist touring Europe. Fans began swarming him, throwing their underwear on stage and clamoring for souvenirs. Coffee grounds and cigar stumps for vials and lockets, a piano string to make a bracelet- anything to give them a personal connection. This was well before the time of radio and TV, and celebrity worship of musicians was a novel idea. Lisztomania was considered a contagious medical condition.
To use Samuel’s analogy, Franz’s fans went after him like squirrels chasing food. Eliot stalking Chloe is a mirror of Samuel stalking Rachel. Hans Christian Andersen said an electric shock passed through the room when Liszt entered, and a ray of sunlight passed over every face. Eliot writes “when she left the room it was electric” and Samuel says Rachel was sunlight. Eveline Hańska said Liszt’s glassy eyes sparkled like cut diamonds lit by his wit. Samuel says Rachel is a prism and a dragon made of diamonds. Eliot says Chloe’s eyes flash bright like coins (Mario coins?)
Franz was the social equal of kings and queens. Rachel is Blackwell royalty. When he skipped out on a lover in the middle of the night, she broke all the furniture in their hotel room. Like Daniel wrecking the Three Seals room, or Chloe smashing up the Junkyard, or Chloe throwing a fit when she finds the pictures of Rachel and Frank. Doctors tried to immunize people against Lisztomania, so Max says fuck you to the flu shot.
Lyla creeps up behind Sean as the boy on the bus listening to Phoenix’s Lisztomania walks away. Her bookbag straps are covered in little bombs, like the album cover. Manic pixie dream girls are a popular fantasy- the quirky girl that seems to exist solely to break the awkward male lead out of his shell. Chloe takes Max from chickenshit to Everyday Hero and Lyla is Sean’s personal love witch. She’s the devil feeding his obsession with Jenna, the way Victoria fuels Nathan's destructive desire for Rachel.
Figurines, avatars and people are all fungible to Frank. Almost everyone in LiS2 has a hard shell of unmoving hair, like a Ken doll. But Lyla has a headful of snakes that jiggle back and forth with every twitch of her head. There are two other people with living hair: Doris Stamper and post-accident Daniel. The movement is downright unnatural at times, glitching out like Officer Matthews' dashcam, or Sean's souvenirs.. or Max Headroom. Hair is a fixation for several serial killers. Frank from Maniac scalps women to bring his mannequins to life, Quentin weaves Squirrel’s pigtail into a bracelet, and George from The Lovely Bones keeps a bit of his victim’s hair in his secret serial killer sketchbook. The most treasured trophy a Franz Liszt superfan could receive was a lock of his hair. He received so many requests that he bought a dog to send people clippings of dog hair in lieu of his own.

Lyla Versus Powerman

There’s a lot of other weirdness surrounding Lyla. Her name sounds like the deflating lilo from Spanish Sahara, and she could be an aged-up Ayla from Can Ulkay's Ayla: Daughter of War. It's about a little Korean girl who's adopted by a Turkish soldier after her entire village is massacred- Frank's kind of story. There's also a horror movie called Ayla, about a 4-year-old sister brought back to life as an adult woman 30 years later. There’s a fuzzy red ball attached to her backpack, like a moogle’s pompom. Moogles are teddy bear fairies from Final Fantasy that speak in electronic squeaks. Every so often there’s a synthesized chirp in the background while Lyla chats with Daniel. Even stranger, someone keeps revving up a chain saw.. Before Sean enters the gas station, he finds an advertisement for an Ash-82 posted by Sam R.
It's a reference to Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead, the first movie to star Ash Williams- who Frank has blended in his mind with Ash Ketchum, the star of Pokémon. Chloe’s tape recorder, Daniel’s fear of the trees and Daemon Merrick’s fire pokér incident can all be traced to scenes from Evil Dead. In Evil Dead 2 Ash cuts off his possessed right hand and replaces it with a chainsaw, like Hook’s hook or Barb’s ripper fist. He eventually upgrades the chainsaw to a Power Glove. It’s a robotic claw, and before that it was a Nintendo accessory. Combining the two gives us the Power Bear claw machine.
There’s a circular saw in Esteban’s garage, and while he’s down there Lyla will text Sean threatening to take his hot dad. Father and son can discuss Sean’s essay on Slaughterhouse-Five. Remember Mikey’s Slaughter-Maze of Duurgaron? Remember in The Shining, when an axe-wielding Jack chases Danny around the maze? The last thing Sean says before going inside is “Hello, Friday night”, perhaps a reference to the gender-swapping villain of Friday the 13th. In Army of Darkness, Ash travels back to the Middle Ages, where he envisions himself as a king blowing away witches with his “boom stick”: a 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. Chloe helps Rose by fetching her broomstick, and dresses up as a witch for Halloween. First Samuel sweeps, and then he paints. The chainsaw is Sean’s brum-brumstick, and he cleans house with the help of Lyla the Love Witch. Sean is the barbarian slashing, stabbing and bashing his way through hordes of dragonkins. Lyla and Daniel are the mages, terrorizing them with fire and ice, lightning and acid.
In Luc Besson’s Léon: The Professional, a corrupt cop named Norman Stansfield doubles as the Big Bad Wolf. He looooves blasting Beethoven and popping pills before hunting little piggies with his shotgun. Léon is a professional “cleaner”, a supernaturally talented hitman who single-handedly blows away teams of bodyguards. He’s strictly a lone wolf, with only a houseplant for companionship- like Louis Bloom or Max’s Lisa- until he meets little Mathilda. When Norman murders her family Léon takes the girl under his wing. As he teaches her how to be a hitman- his partner in crime- he slowly becomes the Woodcutter to her Red Riding Hood. Mathilda even wears a red beanie to match his grey one. Chloe says to Rachel, “I’m the lone wolf, you’re Little Red Riding Hood.” When the Big Bad comes to blow their apartment down with rocket-propelled grenades, Léon hacks open an escape route for her with his axe: The Woodcutter cutting Red out of the Wolf’s belly. Fun fact: In Pulp Fiction, the Wolf is a different sort of cleaner- he cleans up other people’s mistakes, erasing all the bloody evidence.
Now, imagine for a moment that there is no Norman, and Léon isn’t such an amazing badass. He fantasizes about killing trained gunmen while he's slaughtering unarmed women and children in their homes. Fine and dandy when he’s blasted out of his mind- but when the buzz wears off and he sees a little girl return from the grocery store to find her dead family, it’s a rude awakening. So the Big Bad Wolf reluctantly becomes the Woodcutter. At the end Léon suicide bombs Norman and Mathilda goes back to being a schoolgirl. She’s the one telling his story, but she never actually saw who murdered her family. Frank is recreating this, and the noble sacrifice is his ultimate fantasy. Barb impaled on Duurgaron’s blade as she smashes his bracer, Chloe taking a bullet for the Bay, Jesus dying for our sins. Chloe’s sacrifice is her superhero ending.
Frank prepares to “jugulate” the Diazes with Phoenix’s Lisztomania, a song about a broken-hearted boy whose first love turned him into a wolf. For Rachel, it’s Broods’ Taking You There: “In the dead of night I'll meet you in my sleep, and in the morning light you'll wake up next to me.” The camera tracks Rachel and Chloe from the strangest angles: Frank’s POV as he stalks them from the bushes. He listens to Syd Matters’ To All of You, a song comparing American girls to dolls, before following Chloe into the girl’s room. Each time Frank descends into Hell as a devil and comes back up an angel. Reborn from the ashes like a phoenix, with a new face and a new Beanie Baby at his side. Chloe is the Corpse Bride of Frankenstein.

Talkin’ Chainsaws

The unidentified electronic twang from Lyla’s conversation also evokes Terry Cashman’s baseball song Willie, Mickey and the Duke, which has a similar sound effect when Terry time warps to the 1980s. There are many references to baseball: The glass lens, Frank’s cap, Brett and Frank’s tees, Chris’ baseball cards and Chloe’s bat. Harry Aaron Prescott is Sean Prescott’s father, and Hank Stamper is the bearish father figure that Sean must defeat. They’re both nicknames for Henry- as in Hammerin’ Hank Aaron, the man who broke Babe Ruth’s home run record. Chloe hammers the vending machine until it gives up its Baby Ruth. Chris’ teddy bear Henry is a chip off the old block. Most important of all is the ball and glove from Sean’s sketchbook. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre features Leatherface, a chainsaw wielding fellow who wears a home-made skin mask inspired by Ed Gein. It makes his head look like the unholy love child of an oversized baseball and its glove. Together, Lyla and Sean are Lilo and Stitch.
Bringing this insane mashup full circle is Fun and Fancy Free, a Disney double feature narrated in live-action sequences. The second half stars Mickey, Donald and Goofy as 3 peasants who face off vs Willie, a magical giant with the powers of flight, invisibility and shapeshifting. Willie the giant is the god-like father figure and Mickey is the rebellious young buck who slays him, like Mickey Knox. Except Willie resurrects at the end of the movie, escaping the cartoon and tearing the roof off the narrator’s house: William jumping out of Chloe’s dreams and into her truck. He’s Chloe’s dark passenger, à la Dexter Morgan: the childhood trauma driving her to kill.
To follow Frank’s train of thought, you have to let your mind flow in an abstract stream of consciousness, each idea merging into the next. He takes Bruce Lee’s words to heart- “Be formless, like water.” Willie, Mickey and the Duke begins “The Whiz Kids had won it”- to Frank, that’s Sidney Lumet’s The Wiz with Diana Ross as Dorothy and Michael Jackson as The Scarecrow. Hence the wizard teddy in Mikey’s room. Willie Mays could be the greatest five-tool baseball player of all time. Frank uses his father’s toolbox to do his work- Torches and icepicks and chainsaws, oh my! Mays shares his birth year and the year of his MLB debut with Mickey Mantle, possibly the greatest switch hitter of all time. Switch hitting, ambidexterity, gender fluidity and shapeshifting- the essence of Frank.
The Duke was a triple threat, excelling at baseball, basketball and football- perhaps why the Eriksens are a basketball family and the Norths are a football family. There’s a baseball movie called Major League where the players have recycled names like Willie Mays Hayes and The Duke. Charlie Sheen is “Wild Thing”, who becomes a star pitcher after getting glasses. Cashman’s song also has a line about Yogi Berra- the inspiration for Yogi Bear- reading the comics all the while. Daniel is Boo-Boo, Yogi’s baby bear sidekick. “Hey hey, Boo-Boo” becomes a text from Lyla calling Daniel her boo, and “We must not forget ze booze!”- that is, the boos.
The first half of Fun and Fancy Free is Bongo the bear’s coming of age tale as he battles Lumpjaw for Lulubelle’s paw. Bongo, of course, is the name of Chloe’s dead cat-not-really-a-cat. Hank Stamper is Lumpjaw. Jiminy Cricket is playing the story on a record player next to a doll (Lulu) and a teddy bear (Bongo). Bongo’s primary weapon is his unicycle, which he uses like a buzzsaw vs Lumpjaw’s vicious claws and giant tree cudgel. Chris plays his angelic mother’s old record when he wants to hear Moon and Moon. The singer is a huntress searching for a bear to lick her clean, a husband to come shoot the big bad hand that’s pushing her down. It seems Papa Power Bear put Baby in the corner.

Travis Keaton

Arthur Miller, the Trinity Killer from Dexter, has a predictable cycle. First he finds a 10-year-old boy and lures him to a hidden location. He pretends to be a cop to gain his trust. He makes the boy dress up in PJs and calls him Arthur as they play trains together. Then he feeds him special ice cream and buries the sleeping boy alive in cement. Arthur is Peter Panning himself, preserving his own innocence before “the accident”.
Next he finds a young woman like his sister Vera. He forces her into a bathtub with him, “hugging” her from behind as he slices an artery in her leg. He uses a hand mirror to watch her face as she bleeds out, then cleanses himself in a scalding hot shower. When Arthur was 10, he peeped on Vera in the shower. She saw his face in the mirror and slipped, crashing into the shower doors. A shard of glass cut her leg and she bled to death. Arthur lost his sister and his childhood innocence on the same day: Chloe losing William and Max back to back.
The third actor is a mother of two. He takes her up to a rooftop and orders her to jump. If she refuses he threatens her children. Arthur’s mother Marsha jumped off a bridge after Vera’s death. The final victim is an older man, preferably an alcoholic. Sometimes he splits this part between two men. He picks a fight with the first, allowing “Henry” to beat him down. Later he returns to bludgeon Henry with a hammer: Hammerin’ Hank. Henry blamed Arthur for Marsha and Vera’s deaths, making his life hell until Arthur got big enough to silence him. Charles blames Chris for Emily’s death and Chris clearly wants to kill him- he shoots Charles’ head, roasts his reflection and blows up his snow effigy. Chloe fantasizes about murdering David as she looks for his wrench. Esteban is in a very vulnerable position when “Sean” enters the garage- he can’t see who came in. When Brett picks a fight with Sean, he’s already covered in bloody hand prints.
Consider Jefferson’s master plan. First he takes photos of Kate “sleeping” like an angel- preserving her innocence on film. He releases the video of her corruption, encouraging other students to bully her. Jefferson acts like an older brother or a cool uncle, and he grooms Kate to see him as a father figure. When she comes to him for support he blames her and says she’s just looking for attention. If Max is sympathetic, he says Kate doth protest too much- basically calling her a slut. Innocent Kate is little Mark, and corrupted Kate is his mom jumping to her doom. If Jefferson and the Trinity Killer ever met, they’d be BFF.

Team Killer

Let me tell you about the other TK that Frank idolizes- Ted Kaczynski, the brilliant mathematician who tried to turn back the clock on civilization and rewind us to our hunter-gatherer roots. As a child he was temporarily quarantined in an isolation facility, leading him to empathize with caged animals. After scoring 167 on an IQ test he was skipped ahead to the 6th grade. Overnight he went from being a leader among his peers to an easy target for bullies. At 16 he got into Harvard on a scholarship, before he even got his driver’s license.
Ted lived in a residence at 8 Prescott St. before moving into the Eliot House dorms. At Harvard he was tricked into participating in a psychological study conducted by Henry Murray, who was rumored to be conducting studies as part of Project MKUltra- the CIA's attempt to create a mind control program through drugs, hypnosis, torture, sensory deprivation, and the sexual abuse of children. You can read about it on the CIA’s website. Ted was required to write essays about his hopes and beliefs, which were handed over to a man paid to bully and humiliate him. The sessions were filmed and the subjects were made to watch their own reactions to the abuse ad nauseam. This happened every week for 3 years.
In Ted’s mid-20s, his social isolation and sexual repression began to take its toll. The sounds of people having sex drove him crazy, and he believed his landlord was turning the other tenants against him. He dreamt of psychologists trying to control his mind and popping back up if he killed them. He went to see a psychiatrist planning to discuss a sex change operation. Ted didn’t identify as a woman, he just thought it was the only way he’d ever get to touch one. After a brief career in academia, he abruptly retired and retreated to a cabin in the woods. He planned to live with as little contact with society as possible, aside from occasionally biking to the library. When developers began to destroy the woods around his cabin, he decided that conflict was inevitable.
When Kaczynski’s mail bombs first started showing up, he was nicknamed the “Junkyard Bomber” because they were all made from readily available scrap. The first was a pipe bomb with wooden plugs inside a handmade wooden box. When opened, a trigger would strike the matches and ignite the bomb. He often included bits of bark, and two of his targets were named Wood. His final bomb killed a lobbyist for Big Timber. Ted worked alone- obviously- but he included little messages between imaginary co-conspirators to throw off investigators. He inscribed his bombs with the initials FC, for Freedom Club. His manifesto never refers to himself in the singular, always we or FC. It’s like he saw himself as a superhero in the Justice League. His nickname was changed to the Unabomber because he targeted universities and airplanes, including a bomb in the cargo hold of American Airlines Flight 444
Warren is the Unabomber. At 16, he’s quite gifted and one of the youngest students at Blackwell. He fights with Nathan Prescott, the typical rich bully riding his Dad’s coattails, and is friends with Eliot: 8 Prescott St. and Eliot House. Eliot’s dorm is almost as woody as Rachel's house, and he argues with Warren about Ed Wood. 44 Cedar St. isn’t just referring to Child 44 and Zombie- it’s a layered reference to Flight 444 and TK’s obsession with wood. Eliot sketched the rocket that appears on Daniel’s t-shirt. The psychic bomber built Sean’s rocket out of a used toilet roll, duct tape and matchsticks. Lyla the love bomber hates airplanes.
Max has to respond to Warren’s text before he blows up her phone. He teaches her to build a pipe bomb from odds and ends lying around the school so she can break into Principal Wells’ office. It’s revenge against the ivory tower father figure who let his cries for help fall upon deaf ears, like when Max tried to report Nathan’s gun. They’re blowing open a doorway into Wells’ mind- making him listen- the same way Chris blows up his ciggy butt snowfather with an exploding “cigar”. The Junkyard is everyone’s secret hideout, a natural location for the Junkyard Bomber and his Freedom Club. Chloe wishes the whole town would get nuked, and if you let the storm wipe it out nature will reclaim Arcadia Bay.

Munchkin Murder

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” is the lyric from Beautiful Boy that Jefferson likes to quote. It’s a song John Lennon wrote to comfort his son Sean after a nightmare. Lennon was a great artist but a terrible person in a lot of ways, including beating women and abandoning his first son, Julian. Mark David Chapman was a Beatles megafan with a troubled childhood. His father abused his mother, his mother constantly told him he was destined for greatness, and the children at school bullied him. He described his mom as “right out of Glass Menagerie”- the Tennessee Williams’ play on Rachel’s board o’ inspirations. Like Max in Where the Wild Things Are, he made a fantasy world inside his room, with a town of people that lived in the walls and worshipped King Mark. When he was happy they went about their daily jobs, and he gave them Beatles concerts put on by toy soldiers on a cardboard stage. When he was angry he smashed the town and murdered little people by the thousands.
After hitting puberty, his fantasy changed to having a secret dungeon in the basement of his school filled with women that he touched but didn’t have sex with. On the plane Max learns that none of Jefferson’s victims were physically or sexually assaulted. At 12 a little girl he’d decided was his one true love broke his heart, and he obsessed over her for the rest of his life. Years after Max left the Bay, Chloe is still writing her angry journal entries (but ready to take her back in a heartbeat). At 14 he started using drugs and ran away from home, living on the streets for a couple of weeks. After one hell of an acid trip he thought he’d become John Lennon. At 16 he discovered Holden, the Catcher in the Rye. His favorite movie was Wizard of Oz and he also identified with Dorothy. As an adult he became a very popular summer camp counselor. The kids called him Nemo, after Captain Nemo from Jules Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Chris has a Nemo submarine in his bathtub. Mark also worked briefly as a security guard.
Mark became a born-again Christian in 1970, four years after John Lennon declared the Beatles were more popular than Jesus. The comment stuck with him for the next 10 years. His mental health ebbed and flowed, alternately attempting suicide and trying to reenact Verne’s Around the World in 80 Days. The “little people” returned to Chapman’s head and he developed a persecution complex. He tried to change his name to Holden Caulfield and became fixated on saving kids from falling off the cliff of phoniness.
The breaking point came when he found a book full of photographs of John Lennon showing off his wealth- the height of hypocrisy for the man who penned Imagine. Mark started stripping naked, playing Beatles records and begging Satan to lend him his power. In 1980 he flew to New York to stop John Lennon from leading any more children to their doom. He hired a prostitute and gave her a massage instead of having sex with her, mirroring Holden’s experience. He left a little shrine on the hotel dresser with mementos from his life, including a postcard of Dorothy wiping away a tear from the Cowardly Lion. Before shooting Lennon Mark bought another copy of Catcher in the Rye, believing that afterwards he would curl up into a ball and vanish into the pages of the book. In his statement to the police, he said he was split in two parts. The big part was Holden Caulfield, and the small part- his child self- was the Devil, urging him to kill.

Dancing in the Dark

This is Donnie Darko, his little sister Samantha and her stuffed unicorn Ariel. They’re chilling in a motel room watching TV because their home was wrecked in a freak accident: a red and white spiraled jet engine landed directly on Donnie's room. The funny thing is, there was no plane flying overhead. Donnie narrowly avoided being crushed because a man in a giant rabbit suit named Frank told him to wake up and walk outside.
Frank starts paying Donnie nightly visits because he stopped taking his medications. The last time Donnie was unmedicated, he started setting buildings on fire. At night he becomes a sleepwalking zombie, taking his marching orders from Frank. The night that he escapes the jet engine Donnie sleepwalks out to a golf course where Frank tells him the world will end in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes and 12 seconds. He wakes up with a black marker in his hand and 28:06:42:12 on his arm- the same way Chloe wakes up with words like “Nevermore” written on her palm. The same way the insomniac Lyla uses Sean as her human post-it note. She tells Sean he’ll see more of her skills if he falls asleep first. Frank uses Donnie like Dr. Caligari uses Cesare. Every time Frank tells him to “wake up”, Donnie activates and does his bidding. Before Chloe burns down The Tree with Rachel, her dream graffiti options are “wake up” or “wake up”. The episode is titled Awake.
Donnie’s hallucinations are seeded just like Frank Bowers'. The mysterious jet engine was spawned from the roar of planes flying overhead as he waits for the school bus. You can hear the planes as Lyla walks Sean home from the bus. As she points one out the power line bisects the screen, mirroring the moment when Sean considers calling her back. It also hints at a split personality. In the Title Screen there are two porch umbrellas outside Sean’s house, a grey one on top of a green one. In game there is only the green one. Samantha writes a little story about Ariel leading a prince into a magical world. Frank is a twisted Ariel, Donnie’s White Rabbit leading him into Wonderland. Donnie's girlfriend says his name sounds made up, like a superhero. To change into his costume he simply flips up his hoodie, no telephone booth required.
Donnie’s science teacher is a hip young professor called Kenneth Monnitoff. It’s never explained why a professor is teaching at a high school. He tells Donnie that, in theory, a metal spacecraft flying faster than the speed of light could pass through a wormhole to travel back in time. In fact, any metal craft will do- a DeLorean, an airplane or a one-eyed rocket. When Max rewinds her broken camera in Jefferson’s class, she declares herself a human time machine. Her sketchbook has a drawing of a rather phallic looking rocket, with an arrow pointing to the cap that says “me”. Next to it stands a little character that looks like a cross between Frank the rabbit and Max from Wild Things. Both the squirrel in the woods and the demon Mushroom that Daniel is playing with in the motel look like they’re morphing into Frank- who, by the way, is one-eyed underneath the suit. The giant Wild Thing is a baby chick powered up- a magical child wielding its awesome powers on Frank’s behalf.
There’s another teacher at Donnie’s school named Kitty Farmer. She’s the coach of Sparkle Motion, the junior dance squad that Samantha belongs to. Kitty worships Jim Cunningham, a local self-help author and motivational speaker. He runs a talent show that leads to Sparkle Motion being selected to fly out to LA to perform on Ed McMahon’s Star Search. It’s very similar to the setup where Jefferson selects an Everyday Hero to go to San Francisco. Jim Cunningham has a secret “kiddie porn dungeon” in his home, and the implication is that Kitty is grooming children for him: Kitty Farmer is a Kiddie Farmer. Donnie is watching a double feature of The Evil Dead and Martin Scorsese’s The Last Temptation of Christ when Frank opens a portal in the movie screen for him, showing him Jim Cunningham’s house and instructing him to burn it down. Donnie commits several attacks inspired by The Last Temptation- he sees himself as Jesus and Jim Cunningham (JC) as the Antichrist. Sadly, that’s a story for Part V.
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